Daughter of Flame
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Angel Potter, commonly called Harry by the idiots of the magical society, decides to take a gamble with her fate and uses a circle she finds in her mother's journal in hopes of finding her father. She just never expected to find love as well. Now her fate is intertwined with that of the Elric brothers, and she's finding a kindred spirit in the older brother Edward. Can she survive?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, before I get yelled at by everyone about Roy being a CAPTAIN at the time Lily meet him, this was before the war with Ishbal where the State Alchemists were first deployed. Roy never actually gave her his rank, she just assumed he was a Captain because of his age. Also, I would like to point out that I never got past the point where Ed sees Maes ghost in the anime, and would have to reread the manga. There's a reason why it's mainly set in Hogwarts, with bits of Ed's home thrown in.  
**

* * *

It was the single most important letter of her life, easily trumping her Hogwarts letter.

Her mother informed her that her father might not be her father, and that she had to undergo a very specific ritual in order to bypass whatever it was keeping the two worlds apart.

Lily, having been an Unspeakable before her pregnancy (chosen among the group for the dubious fact that she was muggleborn and therefor expendable in the eyes of the Ministry) had met a man on the last day of the assignment and woken up without her clothes and with the worst hangover you could imagine.

Naturally, she immediately assumed she had gotten rather drunk and slept with the man she had been chatting with. A captain in the military force in a place called "Central" which was in what the Ministry believed to be an alternate world.

There, alchemy (a long forgotten and not very popular branch of magic) not magic, was prevalent.

The man she had been chatting with, a Roy Mustang, was a bit of a flirt but still a better conversationalist than her husband.

After realizing what must have happened, Lily had known better than to inform her husband. Instead she made it look like their 'reunion' upon her return had produced the child, since what little she remembered of the Mustang was that he had black hair about the same shade as James. In fact he looked quite a bit like her husband, only without the Potter's penchant for having a bird's nest for hair.

Since James had no idea that there was a chance the child wasn't his, he registered his 'son'...let it be said that at the time he had gotten very, very high on pain potions from the way Lily had broken his hand five times, which meant he couldn't just vanish it since she had an iron grip on him since "he" got her in that state to begin with)... with the goblins, thus making her the Potter heir even if James wasn't the father.

Now, even if she didn't know the specifics of pure blood society, she did know one thing about the Ministry.

If they found out there was a chance James Potter _wasn't_ her father, they wouldn't hesitate to try and use that as an excuse to take her inheritance away from her and make her life harder than it needed to be in the long run.

So she kept her silence, however she did one thing that most of her supporters would have looked askance at.

She moved anything she might feel an iota of anger or pain losing into a shoulder bag that she kept on her at all times. And when it wasn't with her (like say, when she was in the shower), she kept it hidden under her invisibility cloak.

Inside the bag was enough gold to give her a nice chunk of whatever currency was used, the photo album, books she often used for reference material (both mundane and magical), any potion she thought might be useful in any given situation (namely of the healing variety), a sharp knife, food, water, and whatever clothes she found 'acceptable' to wear.

Needless to say Dudley's cast-offs did not make that short list.

Shortly after the end of her fourth year, Angel "Harry" Potter had enough of magic and never wanted to see Hogwarts again.

It had started shortly after her name came out of that thrice damned cup.

A week later everything she had lying in her trunk was destroyed, by one of her dorm mates. Because everyone and their grandmother assumed Angel was a boy, she had been placed in the male dorms.

She didn't have to go far for the culprit. Unknown to Ron at the time, after the incident with Ginny and the diary she had had the store that sold trunks place a security charm on hers so the next time she would know who broke into her things...as well as a subtle curse that would give the thief a nasty surprise. Depending on the level of damage or amount of theft, the more taken/destroyed, the worse the curse got. And unfortunately for the youngest Weasley boy, there was a time limit on how long until the curse became permanent.

In this case, it rendered him sterile and turned his Weasley-red hair to a very vibrant Slytherin green and silver.

It would have just settled for being stuck with Slytherin colors for a month, had he not taken until _after_ the First Task to apologize.

Now she had severed all ties with him, even going so far as to sleep on the common room's couch to avoid being anywhere _near_ the bastard.

McGonagall hadn't liked it, but technically Angel wasn't breaking any rules.

She had to be in the tower after curfew, but there was nothing that said she had to sleep in her dorm if she felt unsafe around her dorm mates.

That had lasted all of two months, before the other three occupants did something she hadn't expected.

They threatened to sleep in the common room as well unless Ron was removed. Apparently she wasn't the only one had it with his behavior...and lack of personal hygiene.

Ron had always wanted to be famous in his own right. He was now officially the first (and quite possibly only) Weasley in the family that had been put into a room very few even remembered.

Well, outside of people like Hermione, who had been quick to inform her fellow lions as to the purpose of what had once been called the 'penitence room'.

The Penitence Room was a dorm that had fallen out of use primarily because it was something no student wanted to be caught dead in. If you had done something to land in there, then your behavior had to be truly abhorrent and possibly ex-communication from your own family worthy.

Being told that until you learned better manners and personal hygiene, you would be forced to live in the Penitence Room as your dorm was considered one of the worst humiliations a student could endure.

So in a way, Ron had finally made his own mark on the Weasley name, all because of his jealousy and immature behavior. Just not in the way he expected.

And Hermione...well, for some reason she kept trying to get Angel to change her mind about kicking Ron out of what many had come to call the "Golden Trio". And after one particularly memorable attempt, Angel had essentially ex-communicated her as well.

Last she saw Hermione, she was brushing up on her French, having found Hogwarts was much less inviting and warm when her own best friend, who had unknowingly shielded Hermione from the brunt of the abuse most muggleborns suffered from the pure bloods, mainly the Slytherins and some of the Ravenclaws, had told her to go to hell.

She had filled out a form so she could attend Beauxbatons, but Angel didn't see her time there being any better. From what she heard, the French school was very strict, and she would be starting out an outsider. An English outsider no less.

Which was why, shortly after leaving the school, Angel made sure she had all the ingredients for the ritual needed to breach the worlds, solo.

Thanks to Ron's destruction of her personal property and school supplies, Angel was able to slip some of the ingredients needed into the list of things destroyed. McGonagall was so eager to slip the incident under the rug that she had sent Hagrid to buy everything.

And Hagrid, having limited education thanks to the machinations of Voldemort at sixteen, hadn't even questions the list. Coincidentally Ron found himself on the short list of people now banned from Hagrid's hut, and the gentle half-giant made a point to dole out extra homework for Ron every lesson. And only Ron was on the receiving end of the 'extra homework', which he got because he generally had trouble finishing the previous lesson's homework now that he was on the bad side of the two people who _used_ to let him borrow theirs.

At this point it was highly doubtful he would pass his OWL's, never mind his NEWT's exam.

The howler Mrs. Weasley sent upon hearing the FULL circumstances both from the twins and McGonagall was particularly memorable, as Ron's summer wasn't likely to be any better.

Something about visiting his less-than-fun aunt who had far too many kneazles. She would be on him all summer to do his homework and various chores around her house, with little to no time to have any fun whatsoever.

And if he couldn't handle that, his mother had a large list of things to keep her youngest son busy and under control.

* * *

Angel had to time this carefully. Thanks to the return of Voldemort...which the Minister would have denied, if she had been stupid enough to say he was back, hence why she only said a Death Eater had tried to kill her for his 'death'...she was being watched. Not by any Death Eaters, she would have sensed them, but by Dumbledore's band of idiots.

She knew one of them, and frankly the fact she hadn't picked up on it after second year was something she almost kicked herself for.

The other was definitely a drunkard under an invisibility cloak. She had heard him snoring the day before and smelled the firewhiskey on his breath.

So she waited until it was the drunkard (who promptly went to sleep fifteen minutes into his shift) she went to work.

It took her an hour to properly set up the ritual circle far from Surrey in an area avoided by pretty much everyone because of the fact that it was inhabited by wild, very unpleasant dogs that hated people as a rule.

This was her safe area, because the dogs rarely bothered her since she was smart enough to bring scrapes of food with her every time, even if she was starving.

They recognized her as a fellow survivor, at least by her reckoning.

She cut into her hand with a clean knife, activating the circle. There was a hum in her bones that seemed to come from inside of her and from without.

The circle flared red and in the distance she heard the sound of the friendliest of the dogs barking, before it belted into her circle too late for her to stop it.

After about ten seconds of the hum growing worse, she blacked out...and found herself in an expanse of white with an imposing gate.

 _ **Well, well. So the child has chosen the path of the alchemist. And what's this? You even come bearing the mark of the Old One.**_

 _Where am I? What is this place?_

The human-shaped figure smirked, if you could call it that.

 _ **This, child, is the Gate of Truth. Long sought after by your father's people, and yet feared at the same time. Only those that commit the Great Taboo ever come here. Only those foolish enough to bring life into death.**_

It didn't take a genius to figure out what that meant.

 _Human alchemy. The creation of a homunculus, neither living nor dead,_ she said grimly.

Even the magicals knew of the Great Taboo of all alchemists. Human transfiguration, such as animagi, was dangerous. Human alchemy was forbidden because all alchemy came at a steep price.

Trying to bring life back into the dead usually created a homunculus, a step above inferi only in that they could easily disguise themselves as a normal human and were almost impossible to kill.

But they were not alive. They could no bear children and mortal injuries they walked off without a thought. Never mind the older ones, which had abilities that made them extra dangerous.

The last homunculus in the world of magic had been forcibly destroyed. They were too dangerous to live.

 _ **Indeed, little witch. Now the choice is yours...shall you enter the Gate, or simply pass through?**_

 _What is inside the Gate?_

 _ **Truth. Knowledge. Power. Depends on who comes here for what,**_ the Gatekeeper said with a shrug.

 _I have no need for power. I've seen what it does to those who have it, but not the wit to use it the right way. I have little need for knowledge, because all the knowledge of the world is of little use if you don't know how to use it. But I've been lied to ever since that hypocrite killed my parents. If there is any justice in this world, it should be that there is always truth. Even if it's not what you wanted to find._

The Gatekeeper smiled.

 _ **So young, and yet much wiser than those who claim to be wise themselves. Go then, young**_ **alchemist** _ **, and learn the truth of the world. That which you seek will be very close indeed, for you and your...companions.**_

Angel turned and noticed the dog and her pet owl Hedwig waiting.

She walked towards the Gate, which creaked open.

All at once, a flood of information hit her like a brick. She could feel something inside of her reach out and grab a very large chunk of whatever was inside the Gate. It was a miracle she didn't go insane from the information overload. Then her mind snapped back, having taken as much as it could reasonably hold...and she felt herself practically ejected from the place and lying flat on cold hard ground in an alley.

She found the scruffy-looking mutt and her owl sitting nearby, along with her bag.

"Ow."

She looked up, and found herself in a place that was so similar to where she had come from, but the technology was quite a bit out of date.

On the plus side, she didn't think she would have to worry about underage magic restrictions here. They didn't have a Ministry!

* * *

Angel found out what the Gate had given her when she realized with dismay that her wand had been snapped on landing. She felt a brief twinge of loss, before burying it someplace she could recognize later if she had to.

But when she looked into her bag, she discovered a book that hadn't been there before...and a stone she had only put in there as a whim glowing. She touched the stone and it abruptly shrunk into a necklace with a simple string holding it up. She wasn't going to question it.

A few hours later she tried a simple circle meant to repair her glasses...and felt the same odd power that had risen in response to the Gate.

Alchemy.

Somehow she could read the words of the book, even if it wasn't in English.

And since she didn't exactly have anything better to do, she decided to read.

Alchemy was fascinating.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Please note it's been ten years since I took high school biology, so if I get things mixed up, that's why. Also, when I was explaining the gene thing, I never specifically stated at WHICH stage the 'Y' Chromosome is added. Mostly because I have no idea myself.  
_**

* * *

Angel wasn't from this world, so she had no way of knowing the state of this country. And if she wanted to survive, then the best way was to get information.

Like she told the Gatekeeper, knowledge was useless unless you knew how to use it. And power? She had never needed power to get things done.

Seeing the truth for what it was had more use to her.

Fortunately there was an opening in the library...so long as she didn't end up a total bibliophile like the previous librarian, more interested in reading than doing her job.

Angel found the library soothing, and she was allowed to bring out books...within reason. Since she was too young to enlist in the military (the bare minimum was fifteen, and that was if the parents agreed...and legal guardians didn't count), she had to take a civilian job.

She would have become an alchemist, but hearing some of the homeless talk about them, that was probably not a good idea. She had no desire to become a "Dog of the Military".

There was only one alchemist in the military that seemed to even _bother_ following their creed of "Alchemist, be thou for the people".

If she ever met this Edward Elric, she'd shake his hand for being the only decent person in the ranks of the military alchemists. Though a close second was Roy Mustang, but that was pushing it. She had personal bias because he _might_ be her real father.

* * *

"Welcome to the first branch of the Central Library," said Angel, with a fake smile. She was good at faking her smiles by now.

They had put her in the front as a greeter when they weren't having her shelve books. She was pretty, friendly, and after a week's worth of training was able to direct patrons to wherever they needed to get to with minimal help.

However there were certain people she refused to have anything to do with. They just gave off a bad feeling.

Case in point, the Iron Fist general himself.

Five seconds of being around him made her skin crawl. He was the sort who wouldn't hesitate to murder infants just because of an order.

She had to deal with him in order to get security clearance into the library. She just had the bad luck of choosing a day he happened to be in Central to apply for clearance.

"Welcome to the library! How may I help... Aren't you a little young to be in here?" asked Angel. The blond couldn't be taller than her, and she suffered from malnourishment growing up because of her 'family' not even bothering to feed her.

The blond scowled, before he pulled out a familiar watch.

She blinked. He didn't give her the same vibe as all the other alchemists that came here, so she cautiously asked "Are you the Full Metal Alchemist, Edward Elric?"

The blond blinked.

"You're not going to make any short jokes now are you?"

"I won't make any about you if you don't make any comments about a girl being able to kick your ass. If I hear one more bad pick-up line, I'm going to strangle someone," she replied. She had had to teach a few soldiers and one alchemist a lesson about grabbing her ass.

And the best part was that they couldn't go complaining about it to their superiors because a teenaged civilian _girl_ had been the one to pound their face into the pavement.

"Deal."

"So if you're here, then does that mean your brother is outside waiting for you?"

Ed blinked.

"Al's outside."

"You do realize that civilians can enter the library if they have a military family member with them when they come in, and have a staff member watching them, right?"

Ed looked like he wanted to bang his head against something hard.

"You can go bring your brother in, and I'll watch him while you get whatever books you were interested in reading or checking out," offered Angel.

Ed walked out, and had to do a double take.

"Is that an owl?"

Angel heard him, and she whistled sharply. The white bird flew off Al's armored hand and onto hers.

"What. The. Hell."

"Hedwig. Though if she's here, then..." Angel looked around, and used a different whistle. A large brown and black dog bounded up to her and sat.

"You have a bird and a dog?"

"A snow owl and a German Shepherd," she corrected, "Also known as Hedwig and Mystic."

Ed looked at the dog warily. The last time he met a girl with a dog, she ended up turned into a monster and then killed.

"Is he friendly?"

"To a point. At least as long as I feed and care for him anyway. Thank whatever god supposedly exists for veterinarians who know how to neuter animals," said Angel.

"What's neuter mean?" asked Ed. Angel smirked, before she whispered it in his ear. He winced.

"Seriously?"

"I love Mystic, but there is no way I'm dealing with him getting territorial just because he's still got those. He's much calmer now, and I bet that blond woman with the crazy superior would love to do the same to him."

"Blond woman with the crazy superior?"

"Riza something. Her superior kept flirting with me until I told him my age," said Angel smugly.

Ed choked.

"Why would Colonel Mustang back off if you told him your age?"

"The age-limit for 'relations' in Ametris is 16. I turn fifteen in a few weeks, so he was basically hitting on an underage girl," said Angel smugly.

"Wait, you're my age?" said Ed.

"I'm fifteen, female and I like alchemy. So what?"

"It's just that normally girls don't really like reading science."

"I like _logic_ ," she corrected. "Science just happens to go hand in hand with it."

Magic was completely illogical, and most of those who had it eventually became complete idiots. Alchemy was full of science and equations, and most of the really good alchemists were able to understand basic physics. Or at the very least understand half of the science behind _Doctor Who_ and other sci-fi related series.

She had high hopes she might be able to get a working light saber using magic, alchemy and science. And considering she was a huge fan of _Star Wars_ , she couldn't wait to see if it was possible.

"Tell you what, you get whatever books you were after and I'll treat you two to lunch. Though if half the rumors I've heard about your brother are true, he'll be sharing his with Mystic."

"You're not freaked out about..."

"Seen too many weird things in my life to care about an empty suit of armor acting like a phylactery. Especially since I also heard your brother is a total sweetheart," said Angel, winking at said armor. If Al were human, he would definitely be blushing right not.

Ed had to admit, compared to all the other girls he had experience with (in his own age bracket anyway), he liked Angel best. She was not only pretty...not that he really noticed appearance...she also had a basic understanding of alchemy and didn't mind expanding it. She asked intelligent questions and actually understood his answers.

In return she shared some of her special books. She had always liked science.

Oddly enough, they were translated into the language here.

"So...what exactly brought you to Ametris?" asked Alphonse.

"My mom came here almost sixteen years ago and might have had...well, she spent the night with a very young, handsome captain here... before she went back to her husband. She wasn't sure if anything happened or not because she had apparently gotten very drunk that night, but she wanted to make sure I knew that my dad might not be my dad. So I came here, to see if she was right."

Ed worked that out in his head.

"Wouldn't you mom be upset about you coming all this way though?"

"My mom and her husband were murdered when I was fifteen months old. She died protecting me," said Angel.

Ed winced.

"Sorry. We lost our mom too."

"Normally I'd be stuck with my legal guardian, but I'd rather take a chance with someone I don't even know than stay there another minute. So how exactly did your brother end up in a suit of armor in the first place?"

Ed winced again.

"We tried to bring our mom back. Instead Al lost his body and I lost my leg. Then I lost an arm binding him to the armor."

"Yeah, but how? Could you walk me through the steps? I might know why you failed so spectacularly," said Angel, honestly curious.

"You're not interested in bringing someone back are you?"

"I know better. Bringing the dead back _never_ works, because they always resent you for it. The only time the dead come back is if they don't pass on in the first place and stay around as ghosts. I'm just curious what your methods were," said Angel flatly.

Ed blinked, before he gave her the bare bones of what he had done. It wasn't until he told her about adding their blood that she held up a hand.

"Wait, wait, wait. You were trying to bring your mother back. So why on earth did you add _your_ blood and not hers?"

"What?"

Angel pinched her nose.

"You honestly thought you could substitute your blood for hers."

Seeing Ed's interest, Angel sighed.

"Well first off even if it had worked, it wouldn't have been your mother. It would have been some demented love child combining you and your brother's DNA."

"What's DNA?" asked Alphonse.

Angel looked at her watch, then at the brothers.

"Do you have time tonight? I can explain the bare bones of DNA...among other things. In any case I can tell you right now that adding your blood to the mix wouldn't have worked in the first place," said Angel.

Ed, who was a bit of a science otaku, gave her the address of the house they were staying in.

Finally, some concrete answers to why it had backfired so badly on them!

* * *

Angel showed up with some books and what appeared to be blank notebook paper and colored pens.

"So you were going to explain what DNA is," said Ed.

"DNA, or deoxyribonucliec acid is basically the genetic blueprint of anything living."

( _A/N: thank god for dictionaries...XP)_

Seeing she had Ed and Al's full attention, she handed Ed one of her biology books and opened up one of the blank notebooks she had brought.

"According to science, each human has 26 strands of DNA. 13 of which come from each parent that contributed it's genetic markers. For example which of your parents had blond hair?"

"Our dad. Mom had brown," said Ed.

"So you got more of your father's genetics than your mother. Now each human more or less gets random genetic markings from their parents...though there are anomalies that have more than twenty six. The reason you couldn't bring your mother back to life using your blood is because she has different genetic markings in her DNA. Everyone has a unique marking."

"But you just said we had half of hers!" said Al.

Angel took two pens. One was red, the other was blue.

"Okay, let me put this another way. Imagine this is your father's DNA and this is your mother's. Let's pretend this is Ed's DNA."

Angel drew thirteen lines each of red and blue ink. She made the blue slightly darker as she mixed them up at what appeared to be a random order.

"Now, were you a brunette or a blond like Ed?"

"He had brown hair like mom's," said Ed.

She drew another graph, this time with the red being slightly darker than the blue.

"Now, pretend the first one is Ed and the second one is Al. If everyone has a unique genetic sequence that is only theirs, do you think it would be possible for someone to use Alphonse's DNA to make a double of Ed? Without a lot of scientific equipment and far too much time on their hands?" she asked them.

Ed shook his head.

"At the base level they're the same, but the mixture is too different to separate the two using straight alchemy. While the result would be our brother, it wouldn't be either one of us," said Ed. She had used some pretty simplified terms, but the gist of what she was trying to explain got through.

"Now while it would be possible to separate the blood into plasma and red blood cells, it still wouldn't have helped because your genetic markers are still too different. And that's not going into the fact that the other half of your genetics belong to someone else," said Angel. "Your experiment might have worked if you had used your mother's DNA, but that's questioning whether or not she would have _wanted_ to come back in a fake body to begin with. Souls are tricky like that."

"How do you know all this stuff?"

"Where I come from, this is basic biology. Here's another interesting fact. While in the womb, all children have the base code for females. It's only when the father introduces the 'Y' chromosome that the fetus is turned into a boy."

"Y chromosome?" said Ed, perking up.

Angel had a feeling she would have to explain this. Hence why she brought a blank notebook with her.

"The accepted pattern for females is an 'XX' chromosome, which is why some people like to call a group of girls the 'double X brigade'. The pattern for males, however, is called 'XY'. Now, in the womb, the standard for the fetus is female, or XX. At a certain stage, the father's genetic material can either add the 'Y' chromosome, thus creating a boy, or deny the extra chromosome and thus keeping the infant female."

Angel made sure to use visual aids to make it easier.

"Coincidentally all this is in the book I handed to you earlier. It's a high school biology book, but it still has the basics. I have an advanced biology book somewhere, but haven't been able to find where I put it."

Al took one look at Ed's face, then mock-sighed.

"He's not going to put that book down until he's finished it."

"I have more from where I came from, if he's ever that interested. I've always liked science so I made sure to stock up on books when I had the chance."

Science always came easier to her for some reason. So when she had unlimited access to her trust vault, and very little adult supervision, she used that as her chance to load up on as many science, chemistry, physics and biology books she could get her hands on. Fortunately she had bought an extra trunk solely for her 'muggle' books, which had been shrunk and stayed in her bag the entire time. So Ron never saw them...or destroyed them.

She also had a standing subscription to several science magazines to a P.O. box that she'd had to put on hold, and several every back issue she could find. She wouldn't lack for decent reading material.

And that was before she got into her even larger sci-fi/fantasy collection. Both the regular and the 'adult-only' ones.

If Ed was this hooked on a boring biology book, she couldn't wait to get him hooked on sci-fi.


	3. Chapter 3

Angel's eyebrows were twitching, big time.

Shortly after her day off, the library branch she had been transferred to had mysteriously burned down with no explanation. Which lead to her losing her job, because now the other branches had too many librarians and no room for a fifteen-year-old with minimum experience.

Good thing she had plenty of money saved up, since she rarely spent too much of her paycheck...and that wasn't getting into her gold funds.

Hearing a familiar voice, she turned to find Ed looked as horrified as she had been.

"What happened?!"

"Some idiot burned down the entire library, which means I'm out of a job! If I ever get my hands on whoever did this, they'll _wish_ it had been the military who found them!"

Seeing his expression, it was pretty clear he had come for a specific book.

"I may or may not have the address to a former librarian with an eidetic memory. She might have the book you were looking for," offered Angel.

"Eidetic?" asked Ed.

"People often call it 'photographic memory', but the proper term is eidetic," she clarified. She was actually good friends with the woman, to the point she was living with her as a roommate. Sure Mystic had to sleep outside, but he had always been an 'outside' dog since he was still a bit feral. At least he was more or less people-friendly now.

Angel got a roof over her head and a lot of new reading material, and her room mate got someone who put up with the bibliophile and could keep everything more or less organized...and could cook.

"So which book were you looking for anyway?"

"A book written by Dr. Marco," said Ed.

Angel twitched.

"Seriously? Out of all the books you could look for it had to be the one cook book in the library where the author has absolutely no sense of taste to speak of?"

Anyone that mixed garlic with cinnamon and paprika had to be taste blind. She had read the entire thing, but not one recipe would have tasted good. At all.

"A cook book?" said Al.

"It makes sense. Most alchemists hide their research behind code," said Ed, though he was twitching.

"The man had to be taste blind. What idiot thinks a recipe that calls for garlic, nutmeg, paprika and a dash of rosemary would taste _good_? Especially using pork?"

Ed gagged himself.

Angel didn't know how it happened, but it still amused her endlessly. She had literally been dragged into a dissection of the book by Ed, seeing as how she was the only one he knew that could cook and therefor might have some insight.

About the only thing she had been able to narrow down was that 'pork' was code for human. It had confused the brothers (and the two officers watching them) until she explained that pigs were as close to humans analogs as you could get. So much so that there was actually a procedure where you could substitute a pig's heart for a human and they could go on to live healthy, productive lives with no issues.

That had surprised Ed.

"Wait, so back home there are people who walk around with pig hearts in their chest?"

"Well pigs are omnivores. Falling into a pen when they're riled up is considered a pretty bad idea, because they'll literally eat anything they can get their hands on, meat or plant," said Angel.

Ed looked a little ill.

"I'm never eating pork again."

"Hey, I knew about this long before you did and I still eat bacon," joked Angel.

Al snickered.

It took them three days (it would have taken longer had Angel not noticed several words that seemed to be in place of something else), but when Ed finally was able to decipher the actual book, he went from hopeful to downright queasy and horrified.

"What is it?"

"People. The reason why no one could ever successfully create a true philosopher's stone is because it requires the death of a large number of _people_."

"...Somehow, that doesn't actually surprise me, considering alchemy gets most of it's power from the leftover souls of the dead."

Ed and Al turned to her horrified.

"What? What did you think happened to those that died? There's a reason why alchemy isn't that popular back home, and it's not just because most of those that can tap into it are lazy idiots. Alchemy is well known because it can harness into the latent energy produced by the souls of the deceased. The more recent the death the more power it has. Complicated alchemy circles tend to require a lot of power, especially if it's a big one. Though to be fair, human overpopulation is a bit of an issue, so it's not that horrifying. And by the time you die, unless you stick around as a ghost you're not going to feel it anyway."

She wasn't that horrified in the slightest, primarily because she didn't have anyone back in England that she would genuinely miss. People died all the time, and all that energy they had in their bodies had to go _somewhere_.

Ed still looked queasy.

"Let me put it another way. When people die, where does all the energy in them go? Everyone has a small spark of bio-electric energy in their body, so what happens to it when they're gone?"

"I have no idea."

"Well the energy is left over, and alchemy has a habit of using that to power itself. Quite brilliant, actually, because the only way you'd be able to 'steal' the spark inside the human body would be to break the Taboo and deal with the Gatekeeper, in which case you'd be lucky to get out of that intact."

"Gatekeeper?" repeated Ed, having a horrible feeling.

"Big, ominous gate that separates this world and the one I came from. I have no idea what that weird shadow calls itself, so I just call it the Gatekeeper since it determines who can pass through or not," replied Angel, shrugging.

The bad feeling was really sinking in now.

"Big, creepy gate with weird carvings that looked like people? Taller than anything else you'd ever seen in an expanse of white with a creepy shadow person that didn't seem like a man or woman with only a mouth?" clarified Ed.

"Pretty much. They asked if I was going through the Gate or just passing through to here, since alchemy tends to draw power from both sides of it. Most of the bigger ritual circles tend to simply skip trying to draw power from this place and goes straight to mine, which is very sensible considering we have an overpopulation issue."

"So you're not from Ametris at all," said Ed.

"I'm from England. Do you have a map?" said Angel, already reaching into her bag for a book with a world map in it.

Five minutes later Ed was convinced.

Angel was from another world, one where science had expanded more dramatically than in this one.

At least hearing more about 'Earth' was helping Ed get past his reaction to finding out the philosopher's stone required human lives. He still didn't like it though.

Over to the side, Alphonse watched with growing amusement.

Angel was good for his brother, and he could easily see their friendship developing into something more. Angel liked alchemy and could keep up with his brother better than even he could. The fact she was actually quite pretty didn't hurt either.

Ed liked her because she was intelligent, loved science and could understand half of his alchemy-babble while not asking stupid questions, but at the same time treated Al like he was still human despite knowing he was a soul stuck in a suit of armor.

The two just meshed really well, and Al didn't want to see his brother all alone with just Al to keep him company.

"I have an idea! Why doesn't Angel travel with us until she finds a new job?"

Ed perked up at that. He could get into some really in-depth and insightful discussions about his two favorite subjects if she were to travel with them. The fact his younger brother had an ulterior motive didn't even cross his mind.

Fate was a cruel person, but it also had it's quirky side.

Hence why Major Armstrong broke in through the door and insisted on busting out of his shirt like usual.

"GAH! MY EYES! THEY CAN'T UNSEE!" said Angel, only half-joking.

The realization he had practically traumatized a teenaged girl who hadn't been exposed to his brand of crazy seemed to calm the Major down. At least enough that he didn't annoy Ed too much.

However while everyone assumed his intense interest in Angel was because she was a girl about Ed's age and in the same room, the real truth was that he had the strangest feeling he had seen her before.

It wasn't until he left after extracting a promise from Ed and Al that they wouldn't go wandering off to laboratory five that he realized who this Angel Potter resembled.

She could have passed for a teenaged female version of Roy, right down to the intense eyes, even if they were the wrong color.

Seeing Ed being forced to create a stone, Angel couldn't sit around and do nothing. The homunculi had ignored her because she was a civilian. A civilian who didn't even have the benefit of a gun to protect her.

If there was one thing Angel understood, it was that you should never underestimate someone just because they lacked a visible weapon.

She had long since fashioned a crude bracelet out of holly wood that acted as her 'wand', just without the phoenix feather to amplify it.

The thing about wands was that it wasn't the wood or core that made it possible to use magic. Wood might make it easier for the magical to tap into the natural energies that lay in the earth, but the core was little more than an amplifier.

No, it was possible for someone to learn how to draw energy on their own without a wand or the core inside of it. It just took practice, patience and skill.

Three things most magicals either didn't have or care about.

In Angel's case, boredom had lead to her using the information forcibly downloaded into her head by the Gate into making the bracelet. It was mostly to make it easier for her to tap into the natural energy lines in this world, since she wasn't quite used to them yet.

So far she had worked up to second year spells without it, but in a fight she would rather have it on.

Case in point, when she decapitated the bitch holding Alphonse hostage.

"Word to the wise, don't underestimate a girl just because they don't have a weapon," said Angel, her fingers sparking with barely restrained violence.

The fat freak came after her once the black-haired one gave him permission, and like a rising tide of destruction, fire sparked from her hand as she punched him right back into the wall. He had third degree burns on his face that were healing quite rapidly considering the injuries.

The next blast dislodged one of the tanks holding red water...and the second Angel accidentally stepped into the rising pool of blood-colored liquid, something reacted.

The necklace she always wore started to glow violently, as the red water seeped in from Angel's shoes and into her skin, which was in contact with the red rock Ed had either never noticed or never paid any attention to.

The flames in her hand tripled in size, and her arm became coated in it. The air in the room was being sucked out and she knew she had to do something before she suffocated them all.

So she aimed carefully and destroyed the wall that just so happened to be close to the bitch that threatened all. The back draft from the sudden influx of air caused the flames to get even larger, but thanks to the control Angel had over her magic, it didn't kill anyone.

It did make the room uncomfortably hot though.

However it was what was outside the wall that had the homunculi's attention.

Major Armstrong was there, with reinforcements...and seeing Angel standing in a halo of what could have been hellfire with absolute calm, the comparison to his friend and colleague was even stronger than it had been before.

* * *

Angel couldn't help the giggle that escaped her upon seeing the gobsmacked look on their faces. Well, everyone except Ed's face anyway.

"Is it really _that_ hard to believe that a civilian might be able to use alchemy better than most of the state alchemists and not feel the pressing need to apply to the military?" she asked. Because honestly, this was too damn amusing.

Judging by their expressions, the answer was a big fat YES.

"Why on earth would I need to become a state alchemist if my interest _in_ alchemy is purely academic? And honestly, I don't exactly _need_ to be in the military to earn a living."

She had more than enough with her trust fund and the fact that she would have access to the main vault once she turned seventeen. She didn't need a job.

And if that failed, well, she was confident enough in her skills as a cook to open up her own restaurant. For her, alchemy was a hobby.

"I don't believe it. A girl with the skill to rival the Flame Alchemist himself...and she has no interest in alchemy except as a hobby," said Maes Hughes. He had come to check on Ed...and because he had been in the area.

"Speaking of Roy..." said Armstrong, he took Hughes aside and mentioned a few things to him. Maes turned to look at Angel, then back at the Major.

Now that he mentioned it, he could see a passing resemblance.

Maes turned to Angel and had to ask.

"Do you have an older brother by any chance?"

"I'm an only child, and my mom died when I was fifteen months old. She did mention that it was possible her husband wasn't my dad though."

Seeing the looks on their face, Angel further explained "She said she _might_ have had a one-night stand with some captain she met in a bar right before she went home to her husband."

"Did she have a name for this guy?" asked Maes.

"Roy something."

The second she said that, Ed developed the most evil look on his face. Like he had found the most perfect blackmail material against someone he knew, and couldn't wait to see their expression.

"Hey Hughes, do you know where I can find a camera shop?" he asked.

"I may know a few places," said Maes, getting a similar grin himself.

"Should I feel sorry for the Colonel?" wondered Alphonse aloud.

"Hell no! He brought this on himself!" said Ed cackling.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Okay, People this story is based more on the ORIGINAL ANIME, not Brotherhood. I may toss in a few bits from the manga, but I've seen more of the ORIGINAL than I have of the remake! Sorry for the confusion!**_

* * *

Roy had the distinct feeling of foreboding ever since he woke up, and nothing he did was making it go away.

This was not helped by his lackeys...er, subordinates...glancing his way ever five minutes and trying very hard to hide grins that made the feeling worse. Or the fact that Riza seemed to know something amusing, but was using every bit of her ability to hold back on telling him.

There were quite a few clues that something was about to happen that would lead to a lot of amusement at his expense.

Finally a break came from the feeling when Full Metal walked in with something that had him doing a doubletake.

There was a girl with him. A rather pretty raven-haired girl with familiar green eyes, kissable lips, and a decent bust that happened to be wearing a sensible outfit and a civilian's pass. The weird thing was that he could have sworn he had seen this girl before, and not because he had seen her shelving books at the library in Central.

"New girlfriend Full Metal?" asked Roy with a cocky grin.

For some odd reason, that didn't make Ed blush, but it did make his minion's odd amusement even more prominent.

The girl seemed to eye up Ed, before smirking right back at Roy. For some reason he just knew the foreboding he had felt for days was her doing.

"I could do worse. A _lot_ worse."

That got Ed to blush and an amused snicker out of Alphonse.

"So why did you bring a civilian with you? Isn't Winry going to be jealous?" said Roy. As far as he knew, Ed and Winry were pretty close.

Then Maes walked in, and Roy knew something was about to happen. It was just going to be at his expense.

How did he know you ask?

Almost everyone there had a camera. _Everyone_ , including Riza.

"What's going on?" asked Roy.

Maes had the most _evil_ smile on his face as he said "Congratulations Roy, you're officially a father!"

If he had been drinking anything, he would have spat it out at that moment.

" _WHAT?!"_

Maes handed him a piece of paper with a seal he knew by heart at this point. It was from a rather select group of alchemists who specialized in cases where they needed to determine paternity (or maternity) of a child. Specifically for those that ranked high enough that a bastard child showing up would result in the derailing of officers that were too useful to let go.

People like Roy Mustang, for instance. If a woman was trying to buy her way into an easy life by claiming he was the father of their child, they had to go through the bloodline division first.

Roy opened up the papers, and his face went through a myriad of expressions, each caught on film thanks to the multiple cameras in the office at that time.

"Is this for real?"

"We had it checked three times, because they couldn't believe it either. All those times you've had them testing to see if the kid is really yours, and the one time it wasn't the mother who came looking for you, it tests positive," said Maes, inordinately pleased with himself.

Roy then looked at the civilian girl, and put two and two together.

"Surprise! I'm your teenaged daughter from a married woman!" said the civilian with a smug grin that was reminiscent of his own.

Roy's face went poleaxed. He had a daughter. A teenaged daughter that from the looks of it was just shy of dating his youngest colleague among the State Alchemist and known trouble magnet.

Oh dear lord...he could see the two of them having grandkids. He was too young to be a grandfather dammit! He was only thirty-five!

Seeing his expression, the girl cackled.

"I do believe he's becoming paranoid," she said with a grin.

"Welcome to the joys of being a parent," said Maes, already guessing what had Roy panicking.

Any man would panic learning they had a teenaged daughter with their eyes already set on a boy. Fortunately for Roy, Ed was pretty mature for his age and not likely to let his hormones to the talking.

His friendship with Angel was the first indication he even _had_ hormones.

It was the nightmare of every bachelor who had one-night stands with a lot of women over the years.

A child coming out of nowhere that was proven to be yours, and with no other parental figures that would claim them. Even worse, an abused teenager who had extreme trust issues with adults, for very good reasons.

The only reason Roy Mustang had even a _remote_ chance of an actual father/daughter relationship with his newly found teenaged daughter was because he didn't know she existed and had never once done anything to make her _not_ trust him.

Roy was a father-like figure in Ed's life, so that was a point in his favor. He also didn't treat her like a child, and actually _listened_ to what she had to say. He didn't automatically assume control over her, instead giving her the same automatic pass that Alphonse got that let her into his office, which was as close to an open door policy as she would get. He also gave her the clearance to borrow books (within reason for a civilian) from the library in his branch. She couldn't get classified or personal books, but general alchemy books were now within reach.

But the biggest reason that she had given him a chance was because he taught her alchemy. Specifically his brand of alchemy, which she had a natural knack for.

* * *

Al watched Angel and Ed interact, and was glad he was stuck in a suit of armor because otherwise his brother would have noticed his grin.

Nearby some of the colonel's men (mostly those that lounged around the office out of boredom, like Breda and Havoc) were watching the two as well, and snickering.

It was frowned upon, but not exactly discouraged, to use your subordinates to keep an eye on your teenaged kid. Especially if it was a newly discovered teenaged kid.

Central had to confirm the report that the Flame Alchemist did indeed have a daughter, before they looked the other way. Basically as long as they didn't stir up trouble, they weren't going to say anything about Colonel Mustang using the lower-ranked officers to spy on his daughter in order to keep them busy and her out of trouble. Especially since she had been hanging around a known trouble magnet like Edward Elric.

Mostly because a few generals would have done the same thing if it were their daughter.

Ed and Angel knew they were spying on them (at least while they were in Colonel Mustang's jurisdiction), but at least he had been honest about the fact he would be spying on them.

Besides, at least it gave Al something to do while they debated science. He could keep up, barely, but he seemed to have more fun making little side-bets with Breda and Havoc than listening to them debate for hours while their drinks got cold.

A man wearing a messenger uniform walked up to Ed, and had him sign off on a letter. However it was Ed's reaction to what was in it that was the most interesting.

He went absolutely pale like he had seen Death himself.

"Brother? What is it?"

Ed silently handed the letter over to Al, and if he had been in a human body he would have paled too.

Izumi Curtis had apparently heard rumors that "Edward Elric had found a girlfriend" and wanted to meet said female. And if not, well, she still wanted to see the both of them.

Angel read over Ed's shoulder with amusement.

"What's so bad about this...Izumi Curtis woman?"

"Because if she thinks we're dating she won't hesitate to test you the way she did us when we were learning under her," said Ed.

"And what, exactly, will this 'test' entail?" she asked, hands on her hips.

"Well she had us live on a deserted island until we learned how to survive," said Al, leaving out that there had been some sort of monster on the island and that it had beaten the living hell out of them almost every week.

"So basically camping without any supplies and being forced to literally live off the land," she summed up.

Pretty much what she had to do until Hogwarts.

"Took us weeks before we could bring up the courage to kill an innocent rabbit," said Ed.

"It would have taken me five minutes, but I suppose the fact you and Al have never had to develop a 'killing' instinct until that point means you had a better childhood than I did," said Angel.

Actually it would have taken less than that. She would have grabbed a handy rock and bashed it's head in and then done her best to make a meager fire to cook it, if she had a rabbit handy.

At least Angel could claim the Dursleys were good for one thing. They were great for encouraging small children to develop survival instincts and a distinct disdain for 'normal'.

They were also good at encouraging people to exercise and eat right, unless they wanted to become _just like Vernon and Dudley_.

Ed and Al had two choices. Head to see their 'Teacher', or suffer an even worse fate when she caught up to them.

The brothers came to an agreement.

It was better to throw Angel under the bus to see how she dealt with the strict woman they called "Teacher" and hope like hell that it kept her from going after them for being a couple of idiots.

* * *

Ed didn't know whether to be terrified or relieved.

It was more than slightly terrifying to see his Teacher get along with his possible girlfriend Angel so well...but it was a good thing because it meant she approved of Angel.

The most terrifying thing of all was that Angel seemed to _thrive_ on that abandoned island. And the first night the same monster that used to beat the hell out of Ed and Al showed up, she didn't hesitate to fight back.

Only instead of using any alchemy, Angel did the one thing no male would have. She kicked the 'beast' in the groin from behind with as much force as she could possibly put into her legs. And after she developed a love of free running and parkour (the center of Hogwarts made the ultimate obstacle course, with it's every-changing stair cases that could move while you were about to jump) she had a lot of force behind her kicks.

Ed almost felt sorry for the guy. But he still remembered the sheer level of fear he had felt whenever he saw that 'beast', so that dampened any sympathy he might have felt.

Ed had no idea about how Angel's childhood went, but he could tell from subtle queues that she wasn't exactly happy about talking about it.

One thing was for sure, Angel had passed an unspoken test to qualify as Ed's first "girlfriend".

Though he didn't exactly appreciate the fact she had been quick to let Izumi beat the shit out of them for being such idiots, before offering to spend a week on that island.

Ed knew that if Teacher had heard about Angel, then odds were that Winry and Granny Pinako would have heard he had a 'girlfriend' as well, and bad things would happen the next time he went in for an automail replacement.

BAD things. Painful things, like more than a wrench to the face courtesy of Winry. And that was before Granny got to him.

Which was why Ed decided they should make a pit stop back to their home town...with presents for Winry. Namely a few mechanic books for her to read through...and some rather expensive new tools for Winry to play with.

Angel thought it was sweet...and more than slightly hilarious to learn Ed was openly afraid of strong women.

Women that assumed control and didn't take shit from anyone.

Or in the words of Angel to an amused Alphonse, the brothers were "whipped".

* * *

To the amusement of Angel, people were doing double-takes repeatedly seeing Ed with an attractive girl next to him and they were chatting amicably the entire time.

How anti-social was Ed if people had that hard of a time believing he might find a girlfriend?

Alphonse kept snickering beside them, because he had caught the looks too.

Trotting by Angel's side on a leash was Mystic. So long as he was introduced to other dogs in a calm environment (and they kept the food bowls separate) he got along fairly well.

Ed had assured her Winry's dog Den wouldn't go after Mystic, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Besides, the last time she tried to leave him with her 'father', which she was still getting used to having, he had bitten three people. Most of them were jerks, but the fact was that he was banned from the barracks unless she had him on a leash.

Hedwig, on the other hand, was still with Roy. She was quiet, and as long as he kept the window open she could find her own food. Because she had what many considered the 'seal' of the State Alchemists on her chest through the use of a piece of fabric that wouldn't hinder her movements too much, they didn't have to worry about some idiot soldier trying to shoot her.

It was more for the transfers and new recruits, because by this time everyone knew the white bird was one of Angel's pets and better trained than most carrier pigeons.

She was welcomed in the office, since she was too polite to make a mess indoors.

Without warning, Ed fell backwards and Angel almost instinctively slid into an attack form...until she realize someone had only hit him with a wrench and not a bullet like she assumed.

A blond girl who was clearly a total tomboy and a dog with an automail leg came out of the house. The girl looked a bit peeved for some reason.

"Ed! Don't tell me you've broken another one of my masterpieces already! It hasn't even been two months yet!"

Ed groaned as he sat up, and didn't bother pushing Mystic off him.

Mystic and Den sniffed each other, before ignoring the other dog. A truce was usually the best Angel could hope for with a dog that had been feral for years.

"I didn't break anything!"

"Yet," said Angel snickering. Alphonse giggled.

Winry finally took notice of Angel, and the two girls almost immediately sized each other up.

"Why'd you come back then? Not that I'm complaining but usually you stay away for months before coming home," said Winry.

"He wants to introduce his new girlfriend," said Alphonse.

"How many times do I have to say we're not dating?!" shouted Ed.

Angel had this look on her face that clearly said "Is he really that oblivious to the obvious?"

"He's afraid you might do more than throw wrenches at him if he didn't introduce me to you and your grandmother, because his teacher nearly beat the hell out of him," Angel piped up cheerfully. Then she held up a bag. "We also came with a few things for you to play around with."

Winry perked up at that.

"Well we always enjoy it when Ed and Alphonse come over," said Winry.


	5. Chapter 5

Winry and Angel were sharing a room, primarily because Ed and Al had never brought back a girl Winry's age before.

Now, Angel didn't exactly have that much interest in mechanics as Winry did, or in boys like most girls her age did. However they did find common ground in the strangest of things.

Chemistry and metallurgy.

Specifically the small things that could lead to some definite improvements in the automail Winry made.

The two of them spent hours debating on the ratio of metal to oil...until eventually the discussion came to Ed.

Specifically the fact that Winry could clearly tell that Angel really liked him, but had no idea where Winry stood.

It said a lot about the raven-haired girl that she openly admitted she would back down if Winry wanted to stake her claim. She had 'seniority' considering she was Ed's childhood friend.

Winry shook her head.

"I like Ed, but more like a sister would care for her little brother. Personally I've always liked Alphonse more than Ed."

Angel liked Winry. She was the first female friend her own age that she could talk to.

"I think Granny likes you too," said Winry.

Pinako had an eye for kids from bad homes. And Angel had a lot of the same signs most of those kids did. It wasn't uncommon for her to house a few kids until one of the other houses in the village took them in.

The fact Ed brought a girl home was shocking, but once they got to know her they loved her. Angel got along great with Winry, she was very respectful and helpful to Pinako, and she was completely honest when asked questions.

Angel might actually be good for Ed.

* * *

"So walk me through this again?" said Ed, confused as to what this was about.

"My boarding school, by my calculations, is about ready to send out the school lists. And if I don't show up then I'll have to deal with the headache of a long list of idiots that won't leave me alone and who will likely believe I was kidnapped or something."

"And what does this have to do with me and Al?"

"Dad has already agreed to send you as an undercover agent to see how magic works, and I'm fairly sure you could cut a deal with the Gatekeeper to get Al's body back," said Angel.

"Why me?"

"Because you're the only State Alchemist under the age of seventeen, which is the cut off for Hogwarts. Otherwise you'd have to go in as a teacher, and without any records it would be impossible. Besides, alchemy goes hand in hand with magic, so you definitely have it."

Ed was small enough to pass as fifteen, and not the sixteen he actually was. The fact that everyone in Hogwarts (and apparently magical Europe) thought Angel was in fact a _boy_ named Harry had yet to be addressed.

Though Angel had to admit the most amusing moment of meeting her father was when he had Riza question her about whether or not anyone had given her the "Talk" of how children were made.

In response, Angel had shown Riza her extensive collection of biology books, which were far more descriptive of how the human body worked and what the varying stages of how babies would develop in the female's womb than any awkward talk could have.

And then she gave her father a heart attack by leaving one of her sci-fi "adult" books in the office, and seeing how he reacted to reading halfway through and finding out it was hers.

She had never laughed that long or hard seeing the horrified look on his face in her entire life. The fact Riza borrowed a few was even more hilarious.

Upon learning neither Ed or Al had been given the "Talk" (primarily because everyone assumed Maes had done it, since there was no way Roy had), Angel had handed them both a copy of the same biology book and told them to read it before asking her father any awkward questions they had.

It was embarrassing as hell for the Flame Alchemist, but it was still less awkward than any talk.

Ed just didn't like that they had to go through the Gate of Truth to reach this place.

Unfortunately he was overruled not just by the colonel (who Angel finally got in the habit of calling "Dad") but by the Fuhrer himself. After seeing even a fraction of the books Angel had, never mind the amount of damage she could do using only magic, they were interested to see whether it was possible to establish a branch in Angel's world.

Since the Ministry _did_ acknowledge 'alchemy' as a branch of magic, then there was every chance they could co-exist to a point.

In short, Ed and Alphonse were going to Hogwarts.

Angel hoped to work out an agreement with the Gatekeeper to allow Hedwig to pass through without all the bells and whistles of the circle.

The only real snag was Ed's automail arm. Which was why Angel was going to spend the next four days learning the bare bones of automail maintenance. Anything that required specialty parts or replacements, Angel would have to call Winry in for.

Considering Hogsmeade was a good way point, and she definitely knew of a few places to bring Winry to so she could fix Ed's arm and leg.

Angel had a bit of an audience as she drew out the ritual circle.

The first time Ed had seen it, he had immediately thought it was some complicated alchemy circle.

Personally, Angel thought it was a bit of both. From what little she saw of alchemy it seemed to be a mixture of science, rituals and magic.

It had chemistry and attention to detail to in science, it had the circles involved in the higher tier rituals, and it had the magic powering it.

All that was probably why alchemy wasn't so popular with most wizards. Too much detail required and it didn't have as fast a reaction time.

Alphonse, Angel, Ed, Hedwig and Mystic would all be entering the circle. Everyone else stayed a safe distance away.

Angel put one hand over the other, much like Al would, and pressed downward with both of her hands. The circle flared, and there was a blinding flash of light.

* * *

Ed recognized the Gate pretty fast.

 _ **Passing or going?**_

 _Huh?_

 _ **Are you just passing through the void to the other side, or going through the gate?**_

Ed turned and found himself next to the same shadowy figure from before.

 _ **Oh, it's you again. Where did you find the stone?**_

 _He's with me. Is there any way we could make a bargain for his brother's body back?_ Angel asked.

 _ **Considering the rock around your neck, I suppose we could work out an agreement. He keeps the arm and leg he has now, and you hand over a piece of that idiot's soul and his brother gets his body back.**_

Angel blinked.

 _What idiot's soul?_

 _ **Tom Marvolo Riddle. He's split his soul up and it's upsetting the balance. The only reason you were able to go through the Gate before was because there was a chunk of him lodge in your forehead where that scar was,**_ clarified the Gatekeeper.

 _I wondered why that thing healed up._

 _Wait, so I have to keep the automail arm and leg, and help her find another of these...soul pieces...and my brother gets his body back?_ Ed said in disbelief.

 _ **She has a philosopher's stone around her neck. A true one. That's enough to at least have the request heard. Combine that with the agreement that you won't pursue the stone anymore and the Gate might be in a more reasonable mood.**_

 _Just like that?  
_

 _ **She didn't make the stone, and she doesn't use it. As far as we're concerned, she's one of the smarter alchemists.**_

Ed didn't have to think. He had grown used to having automail limbs at this point, and only wanted to find the stone so he could bring his brother's body back.

 _I don't care if I don't get my arm or leg back. Just return my brother to me!_

The Gatekeeper had the same creepy as hell smile it had before.

 _ **Then, Edward Elric, consider the bargain struck! Be sure to deliver another soul piece within six months, or we'll take your brother...and this time you won't be getting his soul back.**_

To bring his brother back, he'd go to hell and back himself.

* * *

Almost immediately after she came back, an owl showed up with her Hogwarts list.

School wasn't scheduled to start for at least ten days, which meant she had a week to get Ed and Alphonse (now in his human body again) acclimated to the 'magical morons' as she liked to call them.

However the second she finally got a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ , she saw red.

Ed and Al didn't know what set her off, but the transformation from the easy going Angel to the vindictive and pissed off "Harry" Potter...well, it was a bit surprising. Almost like how Ed went from calm to a rampaging demon whenever someone mocked him about his height.

"Angel, why are you dressed like a boy?" asked Alphonse, trying to distract her from whatever had set her off.

"Because the idiots here all believe I'm a boy. They even call me the 'boy-who-lived' and everyone knows me as 'Harry' Potter."

Ed and Al stared at her in absolute disbelief.

"Are they blind or something?"

Angel sighed, before she went into the other room and changed into her school uniform.

"Can you two tell I'm a girl while I'm wearing this?"

The clothes were a bit baggy, and the cloak effectively hid her growing bust. This, combined with the fact that she rarely had her hair down past her neck, meant that she look more like a rather feminine looking boy than a slightly boyish girl.

"It's sort of scary that you can pass for a guy so effectively. Wait, didn't you say that the showers in this 'Gryffindor' tower were shared? How the hell did you hide the fact you didn't have...well, you know?" asked Ed.

"I was the only person stupid enough to share the bathroom with Ron Weasley, and I always woke up ages before he did. Since he has a habit of always sleeping in, I could get my showers in before him. And no one's going to ask why you never use the urinals. They just assumed I didn't like standing," shrugged Angel.

After Ron was essentially banned from the dorm room, she had to share with Neville, who previously had to share with Dean and Seamus. The two of them had come to an agreement that if they found the door locked, they would wait their turn. Which almost never came up. And since she always changed in the bathroom, no one ever realized she was wearing a bra.

Ed shook his head at how oblivious some people were.

"And you never corrected them about the fact you're a girl?"

"At first I mistook it for some weird quirk of the magicals, then I realized they honestly thought I was a guy. And after second year I realized it was quite possibly the biggest prank I could ever play on them...and the easiest way to hide once I graduated. Common consensus is that I'm gay, apparently, because I never look at girls the same way I do guys," snickered Angel.

"Wait...if they think you're a guy and that you're gay..." started Al, before he started snickering.

"Yup. They're going to think Ed's gay as well because I plan to openly call him my boyfriend."

Al couldn't help laughing.

"So what's got you so mad anyway?"

"Apparently the headmaster decided it was perfectly alright to use my name in order to stir up trouble, despite the fact I had been rather quiet about a problem. Namely that the Dark Lord who caused so much havoc before he somehow died trying to kill me as an infant is back."

"Why wouldn't you tell everyone he's back?"

"Because the currently leader of the English magical society is an idiot who would rather stick his head in the sand and pretend nothing was wrong. And if I'm reading this paper right, then he's doing exactly that while trying to drag _my_ name into the mud to keep from facing the real problem."

"Seriously?"

"And now _I_ have to do damage control on my reputation before Dumbledore completely ruins in for me later," said Angel.

"Can we help?"

"It's probably better if you stay here and studied up. We barely managed to get you both into fifth year, and if you're going to pass the Ordinary Wizarding Levels at all, then you'll need to study. Though I will be taking Mystic with me just in case."

"Isn't Mystic a little too good at picking up on your subtle queues and notorious for biting people though?" said Ed.

"Exactly. Any idiot trying to grab me will have to deal with an overprotective German Shepherd that isn't afraid to defend his alpha."

"Should I feel sorry for whoever pisses you off?"

"Feel sorry for any idiot who doesn't know that Mystic finds wands especially fun to destroy," deadpanned Angel evilly.

Oh this was going to be so much fun!

* * *

When "Harry" Potter walked in through the muggle entrance of the _Daily Prophet_ , the editor had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

The first thing Potter did was demand who kept 'quoting' him that the Dark Lord was back. He seemed very angry finding out the Headmaster was using his name to promote trouble.

Potter was even willing to submit to a minor veritaserum to state that he wasn't even _in_ Europe over the summer. And a quick view of his memories right after the tournament proved he said _nothing_ about the Dark Lord being back, just that someone wearing a Death Eater's outfit had kidnapped him.

This was a VAST difference from what Dumbledore had been spouting all summer.

Which meant if Potter wasn't trying to stir up trouble, then clearly Albus Dumbledore was using one of his best student's as a way to overthrow the Ministry.

Potter clearly didn't give a hoot about what they said about the headmaster, so long as they weren't spreading more lies about him.

And the Minister allowed it only because Potter threatened to get his barrister on him for 'assisting in slandering a pure blood heir'. If there was one thing that would freak out the Minister, it was the very real possibility of being sued and forced to give up his bribe money that everyone and their grandmother knew he got.

Dumbledore was in for a nasty shock when tomorrow's paper came out.


	6. Chapter 6

When Dumbledore opened up the _Daily Prophet_ after approving the 'home-school transfer' applications for a pair of brothers, he had no idea of the shock he was about to get.

 _ **Potter speaks out! Dumbledore uses Boy-Who-Live's name to stir up trouble!**_

 _In a surprise visit by the Boy-who-lived, Harry Potter, we learned the TRUE events at the end of the last Tri-Wizard tournament._

 _According to Potter, who openly submitted to a veritaserum questioning by Madame Bones_ _herself, he had been kidnapped by someone claiming to be a Death Eater to be used in a dark ritual. This ritual was either flawed or failed, as the creature that appeared did not bear any resemblance to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named according to any known pictures of You-Know-Who._

 _Potter has apparently been out of Europe most of the summer, and had no knowledge of the fact that headmaster Dumbledore has been using his name to spread fear and hysteria. He was quick to assure the Minister that the only person he saw was a man wearing Death Eater regalia and has no knowledge of You-Know-Who being back. Further evidence that Potter did not see the 'resurrection' of the Dark Lord came from a viewing of the end of the Tournament, when he returned via an illegal portkey with Cedric Diggory's body._

 _To quote Potter a 'Death Eater, or someone_ claiming _to be a Death Eater made the goblet into a portkey with the goal of attempting to resurrect an unknown third party'._

 _One can only speculate how Potter's supposed close friendship with the headmaster will survive the attack on his reputation._

 _For more of Dumbledore's bungle, page 3_

 _For more on Potter's exploits, page 5_

Dumbledore KNEW Voldemort was back, as Snape had been forced to entertain the Dark Lord in Malfoy's manor.

So the fact Harry actually went to the Prophet, alone and unescorted and stated he had NO knowledge of that fact was more than a bit disheartening. Clearly the boy needed to learn there was a time and place for lying.

More importantly they needed to retrieve the boy before the Death Eaters kidnapped him and brought him before Voldemort.

* * *

"So they've suddenly changed their tune overnight, just like that?"

Ed was absolutely disgusted with the sudden one-eighty attitude change.

From giving "Harry" the cold shoulder to suddenly saying they knew all along he wasn't a liar...it was little wonder Angel hated it here. The complete lack of logic would drive any alchemist nuts.

"As I tried to warn you before, the sheeple that make up the majority of the magical community don't like it when someone tries to stir things up."

"So why did you have to go to this...newspaper...and tell them he wasn't back?"

"At some point he's going to make a move and go public, and I've only ever seen _one_ picture of him before his 'death'. The thing that came out of the cauldron looked nothing like him, and I've only ever seen Death Eaters in full costume last year. I made it very, very clear to the reporters that I have only ever seen You-Know-Who from historical photographs, and never in person so I've never seen what he actually looks like. For all they knew, I saw a Death Eater reviving one of their fallen."

"So instead of wasting time telling them you saw him come back and be called a liar, you tell them you saw someone you didn't know and wait for him to blow his own cover," said Al.

"Exactly. Less frustration and it means they'll leave me be."

"So... any idea who this Professor McGonagall is?"

"Please tell me she's not the one they're sending to show you around and help you get school supplies," said Angel, pinching her nose.

"According to this they're sending a former Professor to come visit us, since our letters were addressed to a 'muggle' address."

"Which means they're likely to send Remus. This is going to be hilarious if it is him."

"Why?"

"He's sensitive to lavender, and I have some lavender oil to hide my scent."

"...Sensitive to lavender?"

"He's a werewolf, but he's rather sensitive to it because there's a prejudice against them, even if they're only furry once a month."

"Werewolves are real?"

"And cats absolutely hate them."

Ed suddenly looked at Alphonse's pet, a cat he named Blue because it's fur when hit in the right light turned this blueish color. He had an evil grin on his face too.

"So why are you using lavender oil?"

"Because if they find out I'm with you, and if it's Remus they're sending they _will_ figure it out, then I have no doubt that Dumbledore will immediately send someone to put us under his 'protection', which knowing my luck will include dealing with Mrs. Weasley and her son."

"Why is that bad?"

"One, it includes Ron, who is officially on my shit list after last year. Two, Molly Weasley is a harpy of the worst order, and her voice is quite strident. And three, because I don't trust Dumbledore's idea of 'protection' since he's stuck me with that horse-faced hag every summer claiming blood wards despite the fact that the family wants nothing to do with me and makes my summer absolutely miserable."

Ed and Al winced.

"So if it is Remus, then we should either move into a new hotel, or be prepared to be taken to whatever Dumbledore thinks is an acceptable safe house and deal with his nonsense."

Angel made sure they had everything on hand in case they needed to leave in a hurry. No way was she giving up the best summer in her life to deal with Dumbledore's bullshit.

Especially since she knew for a fact if she had to deal with Mama bear Weasley, then she would inevitably be stuck rooming with Ron again.

Then Ed noticed something.

"Why do you have Mystic's leash with you?"

"I'm taking him to the vet to get vaccinated and checked over. He's already been fixed, but they have this thing called a microchip that goes under the skin and acts as an identifier in the event he gets loose. That way even if he loses his collar they'll know he has an owner."

While he had gotten a basic inspection by the people who checked the military dogs, it was always a good idea to have a second opinion from someone with advanced machines that could see inside without having to cut open.

Angel and a leashed Mystic left the hotel room (it was one of the few that allowed pets, provided they were on leashes at all times) and went to one of the elevators. Hedwig was still in Angel's "room" sleeping off the meal she had gotten, while Al was currently putting Blue into his carrier just in case it _was_ Remus who came to help them get school supplies.

He had no idea Angel had already helped Ed and Al out and even gotten them trunks with special security features. They were ready for Hogwarts.

They spent most of their time picking out which books from the 'muggle' side to buy, and weeding out the ones that were just repeating the same things.

This was more of a chance for Ed and Al to poke fun at Hogwarts in general.

Especially since Angel had handed Ed a vial of lavender extract to drive Remus nuts with.

* * *

"Well Ms. Potter, I'm happy to say that Mystic here is in perfect health...even if he was a feral before," said Dr. Blake.

Angel scratched Mystic's ears, who sat panting on the floor.

"The receptionist will give you the tags and if you could hold Mystic we'll get him the microchip," said Dr. Blake.

Angel held Mystic, who liked needles about as much as Ed did. He viewed them as weapons.

With the microchip in place and her registration filled out, Angel went outside and got the tags, which she promptly put onto his collar.

* * *

It wasn't until she got back to the hotel room that she noticed something...not off, per say, but amusing nonetheless.

Poor Remus was strung out on the couch with the worst sneezing fit you could imagine, and the brothers were snickering too much outside of getting him some 'fresh' tissue papers.

"Overdid it with the extract?" she asked.

"He couldn't even get out the door once I 'spilled' the bottle."

The second Remus saw "Harry", he tried to get up but ended up having to hold his poor abused nose from a fresh wave of sneezing.

"Honestly, why the hell didn't you just apply a bubblehead charm to get rid of the smell until you could leave the room?" asked Angel exasperated.

"He tried, but his sneezing made that impossible," Al informed her.

"Ed, hold Mystic while I take him out of the room and into some fresh air."

Ed took firm hold of Mystic's collar with his right arm, while she carefully lead Remus out to the balcony down the hall. After about five minutes of being able to breathe, she made sure that his wand was clearly visible in her hand. He had been too busy trying to regain his breath to notice her stealing it.

"Let me make this absolutely clear Remus. If you try to take me or my friends to whatever place the 'headmaster' thinks is secure I will not hesitate to snap this in half. And that's _before_ I have Mystic maul you."

"What...what are you doing here with the transfers?"

"Who the hell did you think helped them get the papers filled out and their supplies? Ed and Al are friends of mine, which is more than I can say for any of the students currently in Hogwarts," said Angel sharply. Remus winced, having heard part of the story of what Ron did and the fact Hermione had transferred to France because she was an outcast in Hogwarts for trying to stand up for him.

Still, it was quite a shock to find his missing 'pup' with a pair of transfers.

"Why did you go to the Prophet and say You-Know-Who wasn't back?"

"You're kidding, right? Fudge is practically in the pockets of the Death Eaters, who definitely wouldn't want to admit their master is back. Only an idiot would parade around the fact Riddle is 'alive' again without any proof," said Angel in disgust.

Dumbledore was supposed to be intelligent. Instead he only proved what a horrible tactician he was by trying to blow the fact that the Dark Lord was back when no one wanted to believe him.

He should have waited until Riddle did something to force the Ministry to acknowledge he was back first before trying to get the sheeple to give up their comfortable peace.

When Remus finally left, the boys and Angel all started packing for a quick move. She had little doubt the second Remus reported he had found her, that Dumbledore would attempt to bring her in for her own safety.

She made sure to leave a note stuck on a knife stating exactly what she felt about Dumbledore's idea of 'security'.

Having Mystic, Blue and Hedwig with them might have limited their options...if Angel was an idiot like Ron.

Angel was a brilliant young woman with funds and a basic idea of where Hogwarts was. She also knew that no one would expect a fifteen year old with a muggle bank card could waltz into a shop and leave with a yacht that she planned on sailing straight into Hogwarts.

"So...why didn't we just move onto the yacht to begin with?"

"Had to wait for the papers to clear. Boys, welcome to the _Prometheus,_ " said Angel.

"Why Prometheus?" asked Ed.

"Prometheus was a titan that stole divine fire from the gods and brought it to humanity, and was punished for it by the gods who sent an eagle down to eat his liver every day for hundreds of years before they let him go in Greek mythology," said Angel.

"Wait, how could it eat his liver every day?" asked Al.

"He was a titan. Having his liver eaten wouldn't kill him because it would simply grow back," shrugged Angel.

"Graphic," said Ed grimacing.

Ed and Al stashed their trunks, while Hedwig immediately took her spot next to the captain's wheel.

"So where are we going then?"

"Hogwarts, or at least the Black Lake. Funnily enough, the lake outside the castle is actually _called_ the Black Lake, just in highland Scottish. Took me about three minutes to find it because I had a basic idea of where the castle was. The forest itself was a dead giveaway."

Hermione had unwittingly given her the clue to locate Hogwarts on a map. Even without the coordinates, it had taken little time to find it, because of the Forbidden Forest and the mountain range.

So yes, she fully planned to sail into the Black Lake just to piss Dumbledore off.

Besides, there was no way in hell Riddle would be able to find her out in open water and be able to land without them taking pot shots at the idiots.

It took Angel five minutes to figure out the controls, and by that time they were sailing off in the Thames.

* * *

Moody was among those who had gone to retrieve Potter...only to find a knife with a piece of parchment stabbed through it.

He took it off the wall and after reading it his respect for the teen only grew.

He called Dumbledore out on his major blunders as someone leading the "Light" side of the war.

 _To Whomever was sent by the idiot that runs the castle_

 _Congratulations! You've missed us by hours! Only a fool would stick around if they know they've been found by someone they wouldn't trust with a flobberworm._

 _Dumbledore has no doubt sent you all to 'retrieve' me. Guess what?_

 _I trust his idea of safety about as much as I trust Ron to actually do his own homework and not get half of it absolutely wrong._

 _Sorry boys (and gals) but this little owl has flown the coop. Oh, and I'll be bringing the transfers with me since I really don't fancy the idea of leaving my new friends to the tender 'mercy' of Molly Weasley's voice._

 _And since I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and say he sent Remus after me, be sure to tell the idiot headmaster that next time a dark lord comes back and the only eyewitness is a student that people can't seem to make their minds up about, then keep the fact the dark lord is alive to yourself._

 _Only a complete fool or a novice tactician would attempt to force the sheeple and a Minister who would rather keep his head in the sand to face reality without waiting for said dark lord to slip up and reveal that fact himself._

 _Have fun trying to track me down, if you can!_

On the bottom was a hand with the middle finger clearly extended.

"Dumbledore's not going to like this," said Moody.

"Forget him, imagine how Molly's going to react when she finds out Harry's gone and run off before we could retrieve him!" moaned Remus.

Every who heard him grimaced in agreement. Molly was sure to be extra loud and strident when she found out they almost had Harry, but lost him because it had taken so long to gather up the people to bring him back.

Sirius would probably love the fact Harry took the time to flip off his 'escort' though.


	7. Chapter 7

It was official, Ed was now hooked to _Doctor Who_. It was a mixture of believable science and imagination. Al had never laughed so hard in her life, seeing Ed turn into an absolute fan boy over something that was actually FICTION and not some science or alchemy book. He barely tolerated the magic books, and he had been very quick indeed to set the current Defense book ablaze after finishing it.

So when he found Ed using Angel's laptop to try and find schematics for an honest-to-Truth sonic screwdriver, well, he and Angel had giggles over it for _hours_.

He was going to draw the line when Ed started copying the current Doctor's wardrobe. It was bad enough he had Angel help him transfigure his trunk into an almost perfect replica of the TARDIS.

"So what exactly are we doing behind this mountain range? I thought we were going to Hogwarts?" said Al.

"We _are_ at Hogwarts, the Black Lake specifically. Hang on a moment."

Angel turned on the engines and slowly crept past the mountains hiding their presence to show an absolutely MASSIVE castle an forest.

Once they had a good look at it, she slowly edged the yacht back behind the mountain range.

"If you want a better view, we can fly over it at night. Or I can pick a time when most of the teachers are away from the windows."

"How can you tell when they're not..." started Ed, before Angel pulled out an old tattered piece of parchment.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," she stated, and to the shock of the brothers, writing appeared, followed by what was clearly a detailed map of the school.

"Memorize the map, and when there are hardly any teachers in the school I'll take you flying. Once you two learn how to call the broom up anyway."

She had actually bought three brooms. Two for them to fly on, and the third so Ed could have fun taking the enchantments apart. It was either that...or she stole Draco's broom. Though she might do it anyway because he was a prick of the highest order.

* * *

It took four hours, in which Ed spent more time catching up on every single season of his new addiction, before Al happened to notice three teachers leaving the school.

Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall. Flitwick, Sprout and Pince were all far from the windows or busy, and Filch was somewhere in the dungeons. Hagrid, for some reason, hadn't been anywhere near the castle since they arrived.

Angel had spent the day before walking the boys through how to fly a broom.

It took Ed some getting used to being off the ground, but once he got over his unease (mostly because Angel had promptly handed him a book on gravity and told him to think of the numbers, not the flying) he took to it like a natural.

It was ironic, but the method Angel had once tried to use on Hermione to get her over her fear of heights (and failed, miserably) actually worked on Ed. Probably because Hermione couldn't let go of the fact she was counting on a thin piece of wood to keep her from falling and not even a book could distract her.

Alphonse didn't have as many problems, he spent most of the afternoon flying over the water before he came back because he felt cold.

England, particularly the highlands of Scotland where the school was, didn't have much of a temperature range come autumn. At most it hovered between humid and chilly to downright freezing.

With no sign of the trio returning anytime soon, they flew over the castle.

It was even better from the air. Angel periodically checked the map every ten minutes...so it came as quite a surprise when she saw the window to the hospital wing open up.

Evidently they weren't as discreet as she had hoped. Fortunately the Medi-witch was one of the only people who knew she was a girl.

"Well come on then, you lot in!" she said with an impatient look.

Angel sheepishly crawled through the open window, with the boys soon after.

"I wasn't expecting to see you in my care so soon, Ms. Potter, but I can see you've had better luck than last year over the summer," she said, having cast a variety of spells to check on the health of her most consistent patient.

"Yes, well, I found a way to get out from under the headmaster's so called protection," said Angel dryly.

"Quite. You've put his britches in a twist when he realized you were gone, and then you set the niffler in the vaults when he found out you had deliberately gone into the Prophet to clear your name of his attempts to force people to listen. Though Moody happens to have agreed with your tactics, once he realized what you were doing," said Poppy. Then she turned to the Elric brothers. "Now who are these two fine gentlemen?"

"The sandy blond is Alphonse Elric, the younger brother. And this is Edward Elric, the oldest."

Poppy eyed the two, before immediately saying "Your right arm and left leg aren't natural. Prosthetic?"

Ed winced, before revealing his arm and leg. Poppy's eyebrow went up, but she wasn't that impressed.

A few more scans, and she tutted.

"Not enough calcium, but your health is otherwise fine. Though it seems you're overdue a growth spurt. At least you had the sense to avoid an overabundance of junk food, unlike many of my other patients. Now as for you..."

Poppy actually winced.

"You two are alchemists from the other side of the Gate, aren't you?"

"How did you..."

"It's not commonly seen anymore, but there are documented signs of Gate traveling...and those who are touched by it. You two are touched, and heavily at that, which means you are alchemists. That, plus the fact the eldest has lost his limbs and you show signs of a contract means alchemist who have been _in_ the gate, and that requires breaking the Taboo."

Seeing the panicked looks on their faces, Poppy was quick to assure them.

"As it stands, the Ministry legally has no hold on true alchemists. Those that are properly trained and can use it without circles. If you were allowed to leave the Gate, relatively intact at that, then they have no hold over you. Alchemy is not magic, and therefor you do not answer to the Ministry. Ironically, only magicals and in rare cases, muggles, can use alchemy. Muggles tend to be weaker, power wise though."

That made Angel perk up. She had been in the Gate, and come out.

"In any case I'll give you a full work up. At least until the headmaster returns. That way the three of you will be caught up on all your inoculations and I can honestly say you have a clean bill of health," said Poppy.

Ed suddenly became nervous.

"No needles, right?"

"No, but she will make you drink the most god-awful potions and make you wish it was milk," said Angel seriously.

"As long as there's no needles or milk, I think I can handle it."

Angel smirked. It wasn't a nice one and you could tell what she was thinking. Alphonse snickered.

They managed to leave the castle a full twenty minutes before Dumbledore returned...but not before Angel reconnected with Dobby and arranged for him to bring food to the yacht.

* * *

"That...was...hell."

Angel snickered, and Alphonse wasn't far behind.

"I did try to warn you," she grinned.

"I still can't get that taste out of my mouth!" moaned Ed.

She let loose a careless cackle.

"Well it's not my fault you can't stand needles!"

"Couldn't she have used some sort of spell to just put them in my stomach or something?"

"Probably, but after hearing some of the things you said about her and her ancestry, she wasn't inclined to be nice," snickered Angel.

"EVIL! All doctors are EVIL!" shouted Ed.

"Shush! Sound carries over water!" hissed Angel. Ed's impassioned rant about the evil-ness of doctors, nurses and medical practitioners in general went down several notches.

"So what happens now?"

"Now we get ready to pretend we were on the train the entire time and you two get ready to be sorted."

"What exactly is a sorting?" asked Alphonse.

Angel seemed to debate on telling them what to expect, then realized Ed might have an extreme reaction.

"It's a hat."

"A...hat."

"Specifically a hat that can talk, sings in a rather off-key manner, and it roots through your memories and your personality to see which 'house' you suit best. Hufflepuff for the loyal and hardworking, Ravenclaw for the book-learned and intelligent, Slytherin for the cunning and ambitious, and Gryffindor for the brave and courageous... though in recent years the whole 'house' identity has gone way, way too far. And in some cases they're only placed because of a stereotype rather than because they were suited for the house."

"How so?"

"Well a former friend of mine, Ronald Weasley, was sorted in Gryffindor. Except he's not brave or courageous. He's a jealous bastard who has a massive inferiority complex because he's the youngest son and he comes from a family that isn't well off, so he rarely gets anything new. Even his original wand belonged to an older brother. Personally I think he would fit into the 'modern Slytherin' stereotype than a Gryffindor, and that the hat only placed him in the house of the bold because of his family."

"That can't be the only example you have," said Ed.

"Neville Longbottom. He's loyal and hardworking, but he's not overtly brave. He would have done much better as a Hufflepuff. And Draco Malfoy is as brash as any Gryffindor I know. Hermione, another old friend of mine, would have been much happier in Ravenclaw where people actually appreciate her study habits rather than shun them, because I rarely saw my fellow Gryffindors read as much as she did."

Ed blinked.

"So what does that mean for us?"

"It means you should carefully consider what the hat tells you if it can't decide. Are you bookish? Daring? Sneaky? Hardworking? Do you want to be known as the brash and overconfident lion, or the studious and well-read eagle? Are you the cunning snake, or the hardworking badger?"

"What if we're sorted into different houses?" asked Al.

"What about it? You're still brothers and you're still alchemists. Are you going to let the idiots that make up the majority of the magical societies define who you can associate with and talk to, or are you going to let logic guide you?" stated Angel flatly. She honestly didn't have an issue with Slytherins.

It was singular students she had a problem with, like Malfoy.

"Wait, you said it looks through our memories?"

"I'm not sure if it ever remembers anything, but it's never corrected the headmaster about me being a girl. I even asked him about that once, why the headmaster allowed me to be in the boys dorm. I've never heard the thing laugh so hard...or so evilly...in my life. Apparently he finds the fact that the headmaster thinks I'm a boy hilarious, as well as the fact that no one outside of the medi-witch knows the truth."

"Why do you wear baggy clothing here?" asked Ed.

That had really bugged him. He was used to seeing Angel in slightly loose, but still form-fitting dresses. So seeing her in clothing at least two or three sizes too big, thus hiding her real figure, was a bit weird.

The baggy clothing, the short hair cut and her attitude, and it wasn't hard to mistake her for another one of the guys.

"Habit, mostly. That plus it's easier to hide weapons in baggy clothes than it is in form-fitting. I think people's brains would shut down if they realized I was a girl at this point," shrugged Angel. "And what the shirt doesn't cover, the robes we're required to wear during classes hide pretty well."

Ed made a face at the mention of robes. He might wear the tie without a fuss (once Angel showed him and Al how to tie it together properly), but robes were something that still bothered him. He was just glad that pants and a dark shirt were practically a requirement, and that no one would ask too many questions if he wore his gloves.

"Why robes?"

"These people are firmly stuck in the Victorian era, and have yet to acknowledge such advancements like electricity, or even the internet. Why did you think I was leaving all my electronics on the boat rather than put them in my trunk? At least here I have a solar-powered battery charger and a somewhat respectable internet!"

It was a miracle she found that cave where she could put the yacht so that it wouldn't be damaged or break lose in the event there was a storm. And considering this was Scotland, that was a guarantee.

From the looks of the cave, she had the feeling it was used as a mooring place for boats before. There was even something that looked like a rotting pier inside, and several rocks that looked suspiciously like crude tie offs. Since they had a full day before the train came, Angel and the others went exploring inside.

So imagine her shock when she found out that the opening in the back went straight down and under the Black Lake to a familiar cavern. Complete with dead overgrown snake and ugly broken relief in the back.

"Where the heck are we?" said Ed.

"The Chamber of Secrets. I had no idea this was actually a secondary way out of the school, and not just some overgrown cage for that stupid basilisk," said Angel.

"Is that what that thing is called?" said Al, poking at it with his foot. It was quite clearly dead.

"Had to kill that thing when I was twelve. Even got the scar where one of the fangs bit into me," said Angel distracted. Her eyes were on the open mouth of the 'relief'.

"What are you thinking?" asked Ed.

"If the Chamber opens up to a port inside of a cavern, then what else does it hold?"

She slipped on her bracelet, which made it clear she was ready for any surprises. She had gotten a replacement wand at Knockturn, but she used her bracelet whenever she was expecting a fight.

After the incident with the red water that lead to her finding out Mustang was her father, the wood had taken an ominous red-hue, almost as if it had absorbed some of the deadly liquid. Which was actually quite possible.

She went inside the hole...and a few moments later said loudly "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!"

The brothers looked at each other, before following her into the hole, wondering what she had found.


	8. Chapter 8

**_I will admit to laughing evilly at the thought of the expressions many of you must have had when you realized I left it at a cliffhanger like that._**

* * *

Angel had a twitching expression on her face. Which meant her eyebrows refused to stay still, regardless of any attempts to make them stop.

Ed, on the other hand, was laughing his ass off, as was his brother, who was snickering uncontrollably.

Why, you ask?

One merely had to look past Angel's witch-light to see the obvious banner, which was made from period cloth and paint, and the items within.

 _ **Welcome, Angel Evans, to your inheritance.**_ ** _May you use it more wisely than your 'predecessor' who has lost his claim on the bloodline._**

Under that all was a signet, which any idiot could tell was Slytherin's seal. They had all the seals of the Four Founders right under the animals in the Great Hall, though most had to look for them.

"Why Evans?" asked Ed, when he could speak.

"My mother's maiden name was Evans," said Angel, once she had gotten over the shock.

A few spells confirmed this wasn't some illusion or joke, and when she picked up the signet ring, which had been missing since Salazar's death, she felt a distinct pricking sensation as something seemed to settle over her.

Shortly after the whole Chamber fiasco the first time, Angel had dove into everything she could find about Slytherin, if only to avoid a repeat of the incident. Which was when she learned that Slytherin had disappeared for a week and when he died, his heir learned that the original ring had gone missing.

According to historical records, he had to have a replacement made and claim his heritage the old fashioned way, through a bloodline spell.

So for Salazar to have left the ring in here and be as bold as to call it her 'inheritance', he evidently believed her to be a true Slytherin, if in spirit. That, plus the fact the ring clearly accepted her, meant she could lay claim to the titles and everything that went with it.

Something, she had noted when she had looked up Voldemort's original name, he had never been able to do. Even the replacement ring had rejected him, so his titles as Lord Slytherin were false.

But that wasn't the reason she had been twitching so badly. No, that blame lay entirely on what else had been in the chamber.

It was a good thing Slytherin was long dead, or she would have throttled him. There were chests upon chests of jewelry, dresses and other girlish things, along with a letter from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.

Apparently when Salazar saw how badly his line would decline in a thousand years, he had also seen the one that might cleanse the taint. Along with, and this was what got on her nerves the most, how much of a tomboy she was.

The views on the equality of women and the value of witches as warriors was pretty different a thousand years ago. While he wouldn't condemn her for being a fighter, he did say (and she was quoting the letter on this) that she should be more "lady-like". A fact that the two female Founders were equally enthusiastic about.

Bloody gender bias...

The thing that irritated her the most was the extremely feminine dress in the back that came with one of the medieval versions of a bra that were more akin to torture devices.

No way in hell was she wearing a bloody corset. She liked breathing, thank you very much!

Ed was still snickering at the fact that a man thousands year dead, was telling his not-girlfriend to be more ladylike.

"Keep it up blondie, and I'll introduce you to my Marauder side," said Angel ominously. Ed had a shiver of evil intent, and wisely didn't tease her much.

He was learning.

"So...did they fit?" asked Alphonse. Angel sent him a withering look.

"Ask me that once my annoyance at the sexist old geezer who died ages ago has gone done. Freaking gender bias..." muttered Angel.

"What gender bias?" asked Ed. He didn't discriminate between men and women. They could all equally kick his ass if pushed.

"I suppose because of where you grew up and exposure to women who work a trade, you aren't really aware of it. But in some countries, women are considered 'lesser' then men because of the fact that their form of violence is generally more subtle, and most would prefer to avoid killing. It comes from the maternal instinct most females have. As a result, a long time ago, men thought a woman's place was tending the home and raising children. And that's it."

Ed's eyebrow went up.

"Wait, you mean only doing housework and raising kids?"

"Yup. Things like laundry, dishes and bearing children. Because women generally dislike overt violence like punching or taking up the sword, men thought them lesser and thought nothing of their wants. Fortunately we've come a long way in equality. Unfortunately because these idiots are still in the Victorian age, they still think a woman's place is to be in the home with a child in their belly," scowled Angel.

Reading up on pure blood customs had told her that while they didn't treat women as lesser, the men in the Wizangamot still believed women should be little more than child-bearers, unless they were as imposing as Augusta Longbottom or as sly and conniving as Narcissa Black.

And as a half-blood, even though she was the heir to a pure blood house, she had even less rights. People would try to force her into a marriage contract because she wasn't a 'pure blood' and had no male pure blood to back up her decision, her best bet was to keep her gender secret and then escape back to the muggle world until she found someone she liked.

Angel had no desire to be seen as a mere breeding tool or as a way to get their claws into the Potter family fortune and prestige.

So she kept her mouth shut and took the snide comments of the boys in stride, knowing that to reveal the truth was to open up a lot of problems she didn't need.

Especially with how bad the inbreeding in the magical lines were...

* * *

Ed and Alphonse slipped into the crowd at the station, making it look like they had gotten on the train with everyone else. Angel managed to slip into a carriage with Neville and a fourth-year Ravenclaw named Luna, while the brothers rode with the first years. If the teacher hadn't called out for both the firsties and the transfers, they would have followed Angel.

She made sure to keep the twins between her and their idiot brother Ron...though of course they did have tons of questions like how the hell she managed to avoid Dumbledore the entire summer. But seeing her sit up and watch the transfers intently, the twins shut up and observed.

Angel perked up when Ed was mentioned, so they knew something was up.

Hearing the hat declare Gryffindor, a pleased Angel discreetly had the twins move over so Ed could sit. He made a beeline straight for her.

"This seat taken?"

"Better by you than that overgrown black hole over there," joked Angel.

Every single Gryffindor took note of how easily and quickly "Harry" accepted the stranger into his personal space. A feat which, to this date, only a handful of people could get into without him showing multiple signs of discomfort.

"Harry" was a private person, and didn't like it when people got too close. He refused to take his clothes off with others in the room, and insisted on getting up in the wee hours of the morning.

So for him to immediately accept a stranger like that was big. Very big. So big that the blond likely didn't even seem to realize how big it was.

"So...you know this bloke then?"

And then "Harry" dropped a bombshell, and coincidentally made the school betting ring on which way he swung go nuts.

"Of course I do. He is my boyfriend after all," said "Harry" a little too cheerfully and with a straight face.

Down the table, Ron choked upon hearing this. It was well known he was highly homophobic...hell, he hated anything that didn't fit his preconception of 'acceptable', which ranged from anything related to Slytherin and gender roles.

There was a reason no one wanted to date him after "Harry" publicly disowned him as a friend and it became known how much of an ass he was without someone to buffer his behavioral problems.

Most of the Gryffindor girls refused to even consider him because his idea of a girl was pretty much the same equivalent of his mother...that is to say, a house wife that spent most of her time trying to control her children.

Which meant it was a good thing Ron had to sleep in his own private dorm, or he might be hexed within a week.

"Your...boyfriend?" said Neville slowly.

"Well Ed's the only person I've ever been fortunate enough to meet that can actually keep up with me, intellectually wise. Not to mention we have similar interests," said Angel.

Ed choked.

"We're not dating!"

"Ed, the only one oblivious to the truth is you. Even Winry and Granny Pinako could tell we were dating, and that's not including your 'teacher', Mrs. Curtis," said Angel flatly. Then she had an evil grin on her face. "Besides, think of all the fun you can have reminding the Colonel about what will happen later."

Ed's face blanked, before he grinned evilly.

"I take that back then," said Ed, snickering. Giving Roy Mustang nightmares about potential grandkids would be worth 'pretending' to date his daughter.

Angel knew how oblivious Ed was. Fortunately she had the patience of a saint and time to spare until the clue club hit Ed hard enough for him to figure it out himself.

Then Angel looked past her boyfriend and saw their Defense teacher.

And immediately made a face.

"Oh dear magic, please for the love of all things sane tell me she is not wearing a girly pink cardigan that clashes with her skin tone."

Lavender and Parvati grimaced as well, even if the news "Harry" was gay was a shock that had been a long time coming.

"That shade is entirely too...childish...for a woman of her age," said Lavender.

"Not to mention it clashes with her complexion."

And then she spoke. Angel shuddered in absolute revulsion.

"Okay, we give her a trial run of one class, but if she's anything like that idiot Lockhart or that stuttering mess Quirrel, we ditch her like a bad dungbomb."

"Who made you the boss?" sneered Ron.

"Let me put it another way. Has anyone actually _read_ the defense book this year?"

Several of them nodded.

"Now where, exactly, does it describe _using_ defensive spells?"

That got them to blink and sit up.

"Now that you mention it, I haven't seen a single spell to practice," said Fred.

"Exactly. And what's the worst that she can do? Give us detention? Personally I would much rather _pass_ my OWL's than to waste another year with a crappy teacher like Lockhart."

Several of the others nodded in complete agreement.

"So...who made Prefect this year?"

"I heard the Headmaster planned to make Ron Prefect, but because he's still confined to the Penitence Dorm, he was automatically made ineligible," said Seamus.

Neville blushed, before showing off his new badge. Parvati then showed off hers.

"Maybe now you'll get the respect you two deserve," said Angel. Which made Neville blush even more. Parvati beamed at her. "How much you wanna bet Dumbledore would have made Granger a prefect as a 'reward' for all the crap she gave us?"

No one was stupid enough to make a bet. It was pretty obvious he was planning to reward the "Golden Trio", but had to change his plans because Hermione had changed schools and Ron's own actions took him out of the running.

* * *

"Double Potions, Double DADA and Double History, all on the _worst_ day of the week? That does it, Mondays officially suck," said Angel in disgust.

The fallout from declaring Ed her boyfriend was relatively small. Well, outside of people exchanging galleons between each other. Surprisingly the idea she was 'gay' was even odds for her being 'straight'.

Most, if not all, seemed to ignore the revelation that "Harry" now had a boyfriend. Others, like Ron or particularly deluded girls like Ginny, were a mix between shunning "Harry" or trying to change his preference for boys.

At least no one was comparing Ed to Malfoy, despite being a blond. For one thing, he was too much a Gryffindor to possibly be compared to the obnoxious ferret. Malfoy seemed to get the hint (will wonders never cease) when he attempted to irritate "Harry" about being 'gay' after Ed punched him. With a right hook. Using his automail arm.

Madam Pomphrey was reasonably sure she could fix his nose so that it wouldn't heal crooked. Almost sure. About eighty percent sure?

In any event, Malfoy knew that his fellow blond was quicker to throw a nasty right hook than he was to simply stand there and take it. Especially when it came to his boyfriend.

Harry would simply be the 'bigger man' as the girls like to call him, and ignore most of what Malfoy hurled at him. Ed was far more direct, and could care less about any 'detentions'.

Which meant Draco would have to be more careful about when he antagonized Potter.

* * *

Potions. Ed was by no means a good cook, but he could appreciate the pure logic that was in potions...or at least the chemistry-like aspect of it.

The teacher, not so much.

No wonder Angel hated potions, despite being the closest to logic to be found in this school. The teacher was an _ass_.

* * *

DADA, if it was possible, was even worse. Though to be fair, Angel took one look at the blackboard, made her face as flat as possible, then started to pack her bag.

"Are you going somewhere, Mr. Potter?" said the woman in a 'sweetly' tone that sounded more akin to nails on a chalkboard to the teenagers. It was like she thought they were all misbehaving five year olds or something.

"To the library, to find a real defense book," stated Angel flatly. Behind her, several of the others were doing the same.

"Detention, Mr. Potter!" sang Umbitch.

Angel raised her voice.

"Who else would like to pass their DADA OWL's this year?" she called out.

Surprisingly, almost every single student barring the odd Slytherin, grabbed their things and followed.

"DETENTION, ALL OF YOU!" shrieked Umbitch.

"When you decide to become a better teacher than that lout Lockhart, get back to us. Until then we are going to study our asses off with a _real_ book," deadpanned Angel.

Madam Pince found a large number of Slytherin and Gryffindors in her library during class. A temporary truce had settled over the group, primarily because Angel had flatly separated the two with the agreement that the lions would let the Slytherins find their books first and would leave them be on one section of the library, if they would do the same for the next Defense lesson.

Apparently the looming threat of the Ordinary Wizarding Levels was big enough that even the fiercest of rival houses were willing to put aside their differences long enough to pass.

Either that, or having to deal with the sheer annoyance that was Umbitch.

* * *

History of Magic. Enough said. Ed was out like a light within minutes of hearing the teacher drone, and by this time the ghosts didn't even phase him at all, even if the scientist in him itched to figure out how a ghost could exist.

* * *

"Mr. Potter, would you care to explain why you walked out with ninety percent of your class?" asked McGonagall sternly.

"Because I have no desire to flunk my OWL's later this year, and while that pink hag is many things, a decent teacher she is not. Lockhart, and I am loathe to say this, is a superior teacher when compared to her."

"How so?"

"He at least allows us to practice spells. Who the hell thought she was an acceptable choice to teach?"

"The Minister. He seems to believe the headmaster is creating an army, and has sent his most annoying sycophant to ferret out if there is any truth to this."

"Until that hag learns to teach, I'll keep up the rather tense truce with the Slytherins to spend that time in the library," deadpanned Angel.

"While I normally wouldn't condone this, you have my blessing," said McGonagall. Angel smirked. Apparently the teachers disliked the hag about as much as they had Lockhart.


	9. Chapter 9

"She _what_?"

"She made me use this weird as hell quill to write out 'I will no be a freak of nature'. I kept feeling this twinge, almost like the phantom pain some amputees have, where my right hand would be. Like it was trying to latch on to something but couldn't."

A quill that attached to the writing hand, but used no ink. Umbitch's reaction to the fact there wasn't any 'reaction' to Ed's writing, even going so far as to switch quills.

There was only one quill a bitch like her would own that wouldn't need ink. And it was illegal to use outside of important documents such as wills and the like, or in signing a contract between families.

Angel needed to warn the other students, particularly the Slytherins.

If only to get them on her side.

The neutral-aligned Slytherins, as odd as it sounded, were curious.

Potter had left last year and come back...not different, but for once not hiding his real self. And with a boyfriend, no less.

Blaize, as the unofficial leader of the neutrals, was the one to speak.

"What's got your attention, Potter?"

"The Toad. According to Ed, she brought out a blood quill for his 'detention' and tried to use it on him."

"'Tried'?" repeated Blaize.

Ed, who had followed more out of boredom than anything else, did something unusual. He removed his robe and odd black jacket to reveal...a metal arm?

"I have a prosthetic arm, but I write with my right hand. The quill couldn't latch onto the closest blood vessel, so I was allowed to leave since the toad couldn't figure out why her quills weren't working on me," explained Ed.

This was a calculated move. It was part warning, part threat. A metal arm was guaranteed to do more damage than a flesh and blood one. 'Harry' was clearly setting up Ed to not only be 'his' new close confidant, but also an enforcer, as unlike the rest of the students it didn't take too much for Edward Elric to descend into physical violence.

He was considered one of the "True" Gryffindors of the school, next to Potter. Yet beneath his brash exterior, lay a mind as quick-witted as his Ravenclaw brother (Hufflepuff was a close second, but the second Al heard about the Ravenclaw library it was a done deal), and as cunning as any Slytherin.

His association with Potter was an anomaly, but most believed he was Granger's replacement, with Longbottom or the other Elric replacing Weasley. The addition of Lovegood had been ignored, as she seemed to treat Potter like an older brother, and he had treated her like a sister.

"Why tell us, Potter?"

"Let's face it, your group is as close to 'real' cunning in this school as the current generation is likely to get. Malfoy might like to claim he's cunning, but he's more of a Gryffindor than _Weasley_. And Ronald should have been sorted into Slytherin first year, if not for his family."

Blaize tilted his head downward in acknowledgment of the truth in Potter's statement. Behind him several others nodded in absolute agreement.

"Why call on a secret meeting then?"

"The Toad is here trying to oust the headmaster. Frankly I would care less under normal circumstances, but she also seems to have it out for the students. And this being out OWL's year, there is now way I'm allowing Umbitch to sabotage our future careers. Now I have a way to London that can't be detected by magical means, and would be ignored by muggles. However it would take me two days to reach London and the Ministry. In the event the Toad does something that requires her removal, I would like Slytherins support in making sure she stays gone."

Blaize eyed Potter warily.

"Who's side are you on?"

This was a question that had bothered the neutrals since Potter publicly disclaimed Dumbledore's "rants" about the Dark Lord being back. While it was obvious Potter was most firmly against the Dark Lord, it was now up for debate whether he followed Dumbledore's asinine ideals.

Potter's eyes narrowed.

"My side. To hell with the headmaster and his piss-poor leading. The man is a fool and an terrible general, especially in times of war."

And with that, Angel had most of the Slytherin neutrals on her side. But Blaize pressed further.

"Explain your reasoning."

"The first thing Dumbledore did was try and inform that cowardly Minister that the Dark Lord was back. Fudge is so incompetent that he needs an aid to wipe his own arse, so trying to get him to give up his cushy life for something he knows would lead to him being thrown out in favor of someone more competent is an exercise in futility, and stupid besides. All he's doing is making his credibility go down the drain, as anyone who believes the Prophet is more in line with a sheep than an intelligent being."

Seeing the insulted looks on the faces of the others, Angel was quick to explain.

"The Prophet is more or less run by the Minister, and until Dumbledore started raising a fuss about the Dark Lord, was in the headmaster's control. We all know Lucius Malfoy practically has the Ministry in his back pocket, but Dumbledore had the Minister in his. Which means that whatever Dumbledore doesn't want to get published doesn't. He seems to tolerate the Minister's attempts to slander him much like he would a child's playing."

That made several of them widen their eyes in shock.

"Are you saying Dumbledore is evil?" said Blaize evenly.

"I'm saying he's a senile idiot who needs to get his head out of his arse and wake up to see reality. I wouldn't trust him to lead a flobberworm into a fight," snorted Angel.

"And if the Dark Lord does reveal himself?"

"Then he better hope to hell I don't run into his pale ass, because I won't stop at sending my new dog after him. Mystic finds wands very crunchy."

"He bit four people who pissed 'Harry' off," chirped Ed. He left Ed alone because Angel liked him, and Alphonse...enough said. The sandy-blond boy was an animal magnet.

"What breed?" asked Blaize.

"A half-feral German Shepherd. He followed me into a runic circle, likely because I was the only human that fed him and he was hungry, and I decided to keep him permanently. He's a trained attack dog that loved to chase sticks and wands were placed in that category fairly early on."

"How did you manage to slip a dog into the school?"

"Who said he's in the school? Personally I'm waiting to see which side McGonagall's on before I set him loose. He loves to chase cats and I'm rather eager to send him after that damn Maine Coone of Filch's."

"We'll have to discuss it with the rest of our house, but for what's it worth, you have our support."

'For now' being the unspoken additive.

* * *

"What in the name of all things logical is that racket?!"

"That would be a Weasley Howler."

Though Angel was somewhat annoyed to note that Molly Weasley had included her in the current one. By this point, everyone had learned to drown the woman's strident voice out. Or learned how to use the silencing charm on their ears.

Angel frowned. Today was a Hogsmeade weekend (Ed and Al had their slips signed by Mustang, who claimed to be their legal guardian), which meant she would have a chance to send a reply to the things Mrs. Weasley had said.

Mother-figure or not, there was no way she was letting some of the things that woman said about her character stand. At least now she knew where Ronald got his intolerance from.

On second thought, considering the male-dominated roles as Head of the family in magical society, perhaps Mr. Weasley would be the best route to go in getting through to that woman.

Seeing a far too smug Umbitch standing near the castle gates, she changed direction.

"Where are we going?"

"You showed McGonagall and Flitwick the signed forms, right?"

They nodded.

"Then we're taking an alternate route to avoid the toad. I still have an owl to buy and letter to deliver."

"An owl to buy?"

"Errol needs to retire. And either they're too cheap or they've never considered getting a new 'family' owl. If need be I can tell Mr. Weasley that I'd be willing to trade for him, because that poor bird needs a break. The Weasley family lives several hundred miles from here and Errol is old."

Considering said bird practically crash landed into her porridge that morning, Ed could see where she was coming from.

"And the Weasleys in general loathe charity of any form."

Al had learned that the hard way, trying to be nice to Ronald when he was complaining about the quality of his robes. The twins had pranked him within an inch of his life after how much the poor Ravenclaw had flinched, but the damage was done. The Elrics were now aware of the full brunt of Weasley pride.

At least the twins were tolerable.

"So they might be more open to a 'trade', even if there isn't any real equivalent exchange."

The laws of Equivalent Exchange were the code Ed and Al lived by. So long as they were kept, all was right in the world. They went hand in hand with the law of "All is One, One is All."

It made a lot more sense than most of the religions she had looked up.

"So why are we going to the third floor?"

"Because there's another way to the village, and it comes up right beneath the candy shop," said Angel flatly.

After checking for anyone watching or listening in, she showed them how to open it and they walked to Hogsmeade.

Angel spent about fifteen minutes (and haggled for ten more) but in the end there was a common brown owl flying to the Ministry with a letter to Mr. Weasley.

With that task done, Angel grinned as she introduced Ed and Al to Zonkos. Needless to say Mustang and the others were in for a big surprise.

Mainly that Ed did in fact have a pranking gene that had been buried because he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

* * *

Arthur Weasley was many things, but easy to surprise was not one of them.

So when an unknown owl landed on his desk and didn't leave once divulged of it's letter, he hit it with a variety of spells and came up empty. The same for the letter. Cautiously, he opened it.

And what he found had him sighing.

He had always known it would come to this, but at least the one doing it had good intentions at heart. And really, Molly's pride did get the best of her.

He looked at the owl, and then mentally prepared for how he would explain this to Molly without setting her off.

She was already incensed after hearing Harry had apparently found love in the arms of another boy, and she was notoriously intolerant of the idea. So finding out Harry was willing to trade the new owl for Errol if it meant giving the poor old bird some much needed rest might not go over well.

At least Harry had known to send the bird to him first...even if the request to inform his wife to keep her nose out of his love life and personal business had been a slightly surprising addition.

 _'While I adore you, Bill, Charlie and the twins like family, Mrs. Weasley is NOT my mother in any way, shape or form, and thus does not have a vote in whom I should date. And nothing she has to say in the matter will ever make me in any sense like Ginny as anything more than a little sister. I can only hope that you, Mr. Weasley will be able to get through to your wife so that she quits trying to butt in.'_

At least Harry had been polite in asking him to tell Molly to keep her nose out of his business.

* * *

Alphonse was staring, and he wasn't the only one. Angel was trying very, very hard not to laugh.

Because for the first time in his life, Edward Elric was having a sugar high of epic proportions. And now he was almost bouncing off the walls and acting his age.

Thank the Gate for moving photographs, because otherwise no one in Ametris would believe this.

Alphonse was snickering as he took multiple pictures while the twins were clearly speculating on how Ed might react while under the influence of alcohol. If he was this much fun hyper, then how much fun would he be drunk off his ass?

Umbitch was appalled, or she would have been had a haymaker thrown her way by Ed not given her a nasty concussion and thus knocked her out for the night. Madam Pomphrey would keep her alive, but she wouldn't restore any memories lost...like who threw the punch.

This was way more fun than doing homework.


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh, my head... is that owl?"

"That's Errol. He's staying here because it's too dangerous to leave him with the twins," deadpanned Angel.

Officially Errol was now the twin's owl, since they did open that prank shop with Angel's triwizard money, with the agreement that she be made their partner. She got a third of the profits, and they got start up capital. Coincidentally she also paid off the shop once she found out they had gotten a loan for it.

The twins wouldn't find that out until they spoke to the goblin in charge of loans, but would eventually clock it up to them owing her a favor.

"Why does my head hurt?"

"Sugar crash. The high is fun and often hilarious, but the crash always sucks. Fortunately there are cures for that," said Angel.

"And what's the cure? Not some foul egg concoction like for hangovers is it?"

"Nope. Eat this."

She tossed him a few apples and pears.

"Fruit?"

"To balance out the sugar. Eating healthy is how I've kept people from noticing when I've had too much."

After a few bites, Ed found his headache going away. At least it was better than some of the things he'd seen adults have to drink in order to get rid of their hangovers.

"So why do we have Errol in our room?"

"Because while he's technically the twin's owl now, the last thing a bird his age needs is to worry about the potential explosions the twins let off, and I have it on good authority they had silenced their room after second year. By the way, nice punch yesterday."

"Punch?"

"You clocked the Toad so hard she was knocked out, and apparently she had no memory of who did it."

"Is it a bad thing that I don't feel sorry for that?"

"No."

* * *

It was close to Halloween when Ron's jealousy and intolerance finally reared it's ugly head.

He disliked Ed on sight because of how close he was to 'his' best friend, despite how thoroughly "Harry" had told him to get lost. He still viewed Potter as his way to fame and being better than his older brothers.

That, combined with the fact that he seemed to be under the impression Ed had 'turned' Harry gay meant they didn't get along.

Though Ed avoided him on principle since Ron had mocked the fact he read the more obscure books and understood them. Unlike Hermione, Ed didn't care about what Ron thought of him...and when pressed, had broken the boy's nose.

Then again, when Ed was really deep into a book he had trouble noticing the outside world. Angel made a point of assigning whoever was in the same class (if it wasn't herself) to almost literally 'guide' Ed to the room, and it would take a loud bang before he put his book down.

The Ravenclaws commended him on his ability to ignore the less studious. Flitwick thought it rather amusing that the boy was more of a Ravenclaw that his now former student Granger had been.

At least he had the younger one.

Ron shoved Ed unceremoniously, and Ed finally looked up from his rather obscure advanced Alchemy book to notice the idiot was in his presence.

"You think you're better than me, freak?"

"Excuse me? I wasn't even looking at you, and you shoved me," said Ed, trying to reign in his hot temper. He didn't like to be bothered while reading, unless it was Al or Angel.

He would mostly blame the illogical outlook of the magical society for putting his temper on a hair trigger, and the fact that over half the school seemed to pity him for being a 'muggleborn'.

Ed thought he kept his calm rather admirably as he listened to Ron's rather biased and absolutely degrading rant about his character, his family and even his personality. Most of Gryffindor stood there, wondering why Ed hadn't yet tried to knock Ron's block off.

And then Ron hit the sure-fire button to set Ed off. He mocked his height.

Five second later, Ed sent him flying...without a broom. Ed looked ready to pound his face in...had someone not already sent for McGonagall. After hearing some of the insults the red head used against her most studious lion since Hermione left, she felt she owed him one hit.

But only the first hit.

Miraculously, Ron didn't pass out from the hit, even though Ed used his right arm to hit him with. Apparently he had grown a thick skull from all the times Hermione tried to bash his head in with a hardcover book.

He didn't escape McGonagall's tight hand on his ear though.

She was absolutely livid with his behavior.

Ron had been removed from Gryffindor. His behavior towards Edward, who never gave him the time of day and had been lost in yet another book when he started insulting him, bad been the last straw.

However Angel had the nasty suspicion this wouldn't be the last of Ron Weasley. He had this feeling about him that screamed "stalker". Particularly one of those creepy stalkers that made it their 'mission' to make the object of their obsession as miserable and terrified as possible, while just barely skirting the law.

The kind of people who were almost impossible to throw into jail permanently in the muggle world for harassment.

The way she kept catching Ron watching her only cemented that feeling. It would have only been worse if he knew she was female.

Angel was under no illusions. The moment Ron went from jealous bastard of an ex-friend to stalker, she was going to kill him. She had dealt with enough crap in her life that the thought of dealing with him acting like that made her skin crawl.

Besides, it wasn't like there weren't six other Weasley children to continue the line.

She wasn't the only one to pick up the stalker vibe Ron was beginning to give off.

She heard Ed growling every time he happened to be eating and actually notice. She found his overprotective nature kicking in cute. Apparently it had been transferred (or redirected) from his brother...who already had a large cadre of friends outside her social circle that were more than happy to protect the friendly Ravenclaw boy.

On a completely unrelated note, ever since Al went into the house of the bookish, the bullying on her favorite witch had dropped. Almost like the girls were worried they might upset the cutest boy in Ravenclaw, since Ed was so clearly taken.

It had nothing to do with the fact she bitch-slapped Daphne Greengrass one night for trying to seduce her boyfriend. Or that she was seconds away from clawing the eyes out of Parkinson after she tried to put a love potion in Ed's food while he was stuck in another book.

Nope, nothing at all.

Though it was more than slightly hilarious how Lavender actually commented on how...catty...'Harry' was, and that if they hadn't know 'he' was a 'boy', she would have mistaken 'him' for a girl marking her territory. The fact that "Harry" acted like a very vengeful girl didn't help this image.

Apparently Sirius heard about the incident from Snape, because he sent a letter almost two days later.

Which clued Angel in that he was among the very, very few idiots in the magical society who knew 'he' was in fact a 'she'...and he found the fact she was pranking everyone hilarious.

Remus knew as well, but only because his sense of smell had told him. He had no idea she slept in the 'boys' dorms, or he would have said something.

The most ominous thing in the letter?

Sirius was asking (read: demanding) to meet this boyfriend of hers. And he was a dog on a bone when he wanted something.

She just hoped Ed didn't beat her dogfather up too badly...then again, Sirius was like a less mature, more perverted version of Roy Mustang.

Meh, he was a grown wizard. If he couldn't handle the chibi alchemist, then it wasn't her problem.

She noted with an evil grin that Ed's inner radar for anyone thinking about his height issue went off, because he twitched while reading.

For the rest of the meal, she sand a little song in her head mocking the fact that Ed was as tall as she was, but almost a year older. Strangely, it went to the same tune as the "George of the Jungle" them song.

And then Ed punched Malfoy in the face for the first infraction, having mentally sensed Angel's joke song about his height.

Best. Lunch. Ever.

Only to be topped by dinner, when she shared it with Al and he did it with her.

* * *

Angel was coming back from playing with Mystic in the Chamber (which apparently lead out into the forest, so he had plenty to chase...the Acromantula colony _really_ hated him) when she noticed something.

Hagrid was back.

Immediately, Angel made plans to grab Alphonse and Ed and take them to meet Hagrid. She knew Alphonse would get along great with the half-giant...both of them had an affinity for dangerous animals.

She ended up bringing Luna with her. The cheerfully odd blond and the over-friendly Alphonse got along well. Almost too well.

Angel hid a grin. Winry might have some competition for Luna...if she hadn't know for a fact that Luna didn't mind sharing.

Be worth warning Winry about at any rate.

Hagrid took one look at who it was, before letting them in. He had an oozing steak against one of his eyes, though he seemed to warm up once Al introduced himself to Hagrid's dog Fang.

"So... I heard yer got a boyfriend."

"Hagrid, this is Ed. Ed, this is one of my first friends, Hagrid. He was the one who gave me Hedwig. Word to the wise Hagrid, don't mention Ed's height around him. He's rather sensitive about it."

Al snickered in the corner, were he had Fang on his back wiggling this way and that with his tail wagging like no tomorrow. Hagrid beamed at the cheerful Ravenclaws.

Instead of trying to pry Hagrid about where he was (which would be pointless considering they all had curfew in an hour) Angel decided to catch Hagrid up on what he missed while he was gone.

Needless to say Hagrid had been shocked that she had openly thrown Dumbledore's so called protections in his face...but had agreed that avoiding Molly Weasley had been a smart move.

While he wasn't exactly comfortable about the fact "Harry" had a boyfriend, he wasn't condemning it either. So long as they kept the PDA out of his class, he wouldn't say a word otherwise.

Which was rather easy considering Ed was still somewhat oblivious to the fact he had an actual girlfriend...which might change considering some of the looks "Harry" was getting from the other boys...and "Harry" was a private person to begin with.

The most they'd done was hold hands, usually with Umbitch or Ron watching.

Abruptly the rather amusing discussion between Alphonse, Luna and Hagrid was ended...by the Toad. Angel hid them all under her cloak, and scowled.

She really wished she could end that hag once and for all. Unfortunately she couldn't afford to blow the fact she was now an alchemist, albeit a very junior one with hardly any real understanding (Ed was teaching her in the limited free time they had, and they could spend hours hashing out regular science and alchemy), but still an alchemist.

Then Angel hit upon an idea to drive all the teachers nuts.

* * *

Ed walked into the Great Hall, blinked, then looked ready to walk out and hopefully wake up.

"Why are all the students below fifth year wearing dolphin costumes?"

"You'll get it, or probably not since you've never seen the movie, in a few moments," said Angel with a grin. The Weasley twins were snickering out of sight.

As soon as Umbitch walked into the hall, a drumroll started from sights unseen.

And then the singing started. Most of the muggleborns, those that kept up with modern movies anyway, recognized it off the bat.

Angel was giggling evilly, mainly because the tune was so catchy that most of the students kept humming it ALL DAY.

"Why are they singing 'So long, and thanks for all the fish'?"

"I'll show you later. It's from a popular movie based off a book called _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_...oddly enough the depressed robot sounds almost exactly like Professor Snape. Though that movie isn't nearly as disturbing as the movie called _Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves_. The sheriff of Nottingham looked like Snape. Though I do have a surprise for Sirius and Remus for Christmas," said Angel, eyes glinting.

"What is it?"

Angel held up two movies.

 _Air Force One,_ and the first _Dragonheart_ movie.

"Of course I plan to introduce the school to the first _Die Hard_ movie later, once I figure out how to make the projector work in a high magic area."

"Why?"

"Snape's double plays the lead terrorist named Hans, who falls off the building because his grip on the woman he's holding onto hoping to kill with him slips."

It was disturbing how much this...Alan Rickman...looked almost identical to Snape. Or how much this Gary Oldman looked exactly like her godfather, usually with much shorter hair.

* * *

**Alan Rickman and Gary Oldman played Snape and Sirius in the Harry Potter movies.


	11. Chapter 11

Angel woke up with a terrible feeling. It was like foreboding only worse. Now under normal circumstance she would have ignored it...but the feeling was centered around what remained of her scar.

And she sensed it had something to do with Arthur Weasley.

Grabbing her cloak, she noticed Ed had sat up the second he realized someone was up. He had excellent situational awareness.

"What's going on?"

"We're going to find a teacher. Not Umbitch, but someone who will listen."

"Why?"

"I think something's happened to Mr. Weasley."

"Calm down. Now think about this clearly. Which teacher would have immediate access to the tower this late at night and might believe you?"

"McGonagall or Madam Pomphrey."

"Then call Dobby and tell him to get one of them to explain the situation."

She didn't even bother to debate who to call. She immediately went to Madam Pomphrey.

"Ms. Potter what..."

"Arthur Weasley is in danger. I can't explain how, or what's happened to him, but my scar woke me up with a really bad feeling and my instinct told me he's the one in danger."

Poppy might have dismissed her claims out of hand...except Arthur was currently watching the prophecy tonight. Alone. Without any back up.

So just to be safe, she sent the Medi-witch's personal house elf (each Healer or Medi-wizard/witch was assigned a personal elf in the event that the infirmary was overwhelmed) to check on Arthur.

Twinkle the elf very nearly didn't make it in time. Arthur was bleeding heavily and she did as she had been trained.

She took him straight to St. Mungo's.

"Ms. Potter, Mr. Elric, pack your things. Considering the nature of his wounds, it would be best if we had you sent ahead to Headquarters along with the Weasley children a bit earlier than planned. We don't want the Toad to interfere."

"Headquarters?"

Poppy pulled out a paper.

"Memorize this while I have someone rouse your brother and the Weasley children."

 _The Order of the Phoenix is located at Number 12 Grimmauld Place._

"What's the..." started Ed, but Poppy held a hand in the universal sign for silence as she sent out alerts to all the appropriate people.

When she was done, she looked at Angel.

"I am curious why you came to me and not Minerva first."

"Too far away, and I know for a fact you sleep adjacent to the hospital wing. Besides, I haven't really trusted McGonagall since first year, and her reaction to the Toad's presence has only made it worse."

"What happened in first year?" blinked Poppy.

"I tried to warn her about the Stone being in danger, and she dismissed me out of hand, as if I didn't have a brain between my ears. Not to mention the fact she willingly signed off on the headmaster's detention into the forest and the disproportionate reaction to the fact that my 'friends' and Neville were out of bounds trying to help Hagrid. Fifty points is highly excessive for being out of bounds after curfew while coming down from the Astronomy tower. And I checked with the twins...the most they've every gotten was twenty points each, not fifty each."

Poppy winced. McGonagall had overreacted if she doled out fifty points per student for being out of their common rooms after curfew. And she hadn't known Potter had tried to get a teacher's help to protect the stone.

The girl's lack of faith with teachers was much more understandable after hearing that.

Groggy members of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw were popped into the hospital wing. The twins looked openly confused as to why they were there, while Ron and Ginny just looked like they were about to sleep on their feet. Alphonse was the most alert of the lot.

"What's this about?" asked George.

"Your father was attacked, and is currently in St. Mungo's. Thanks to the timely intervention of 'Mr.' Potter, he'll have a chance," said Poppy.

That woke them up.

"What."

"I'm evacuating you all to Headquarters before that woman gets wind of the situation and tries to detain you."

There was no need to explain who she was referring to. Only one person in the castle would detain them after their father was attacked, and none of them had any love for the Toad.

Ron didn't look happy about this one bit. But right now he was more worried about his father than the Elrics and his former friend being in the headquarters with him.

Alphonse was read into the secret, and Poppy had them floo from her office straight to the house.

* * *

Sirius was woken up from his spot on the table when he heard the floo go off. So imagine his shock when his goddaughter, the two blonds and all the Weasley children currently in Hogwarts came out.

"Wha..."

"Mr. Weasley's been attacked and currently at St. Mungo's. Madam Pomphrey decided to evacuate us straight to 'headquarters' before the Toad found out about it," Angel summed up immediately.

"...I'll get you all situated. If you think you can sleep, pick any room you want. If not, I'll set you up with some hot chocolate or something. Nothing alcoholic. Has anyone informed Molly?" asked Sirius equally flat.

"I have no idea," said Angel.

For the most part, the Weasleys tried to stay up, but even they couldn't fight off sleep. Sirius made sure to levitate them all into different rooms, before he noticed that the blonds and Angel were still wide awake.

Which meant he now had the perfect time to interrogate...er, _talk_ with his goddaughter and her new boyfriend.

"So...you're my goddaughter's new boyfriend."

Edward blinked once.

"Wait. Goddaughter? You mean there's someone in this backwards society that knows 'Harry' is a girl?!" said Ed in disbelief.

"I'm fairly sure Remus knows too...though I doubt he's aware you've gone so far as to sleep in the boy's dorms," said Sirius. He had only found that out by accident, when he went after Peter and found his goddaughter in the boy's dorms in her own bed.

Then he found out that everyone honestly seemed to believe Angel was a boy...and when he discreetly questioned her about it she admitted to pranking everyone because they were too blind to realize the truth.

He had to admit, it was the biggest prank he had ever heard of, making everyone believe she was a 'he'.

"So, Mr. Elric, what are you intentions with my goddaughter?" asked Sirius.

"Uh..."

Alphonse snickered.

"Look at it this way brother, you can use it for a practice run when the Colonel finds out," said Al. Ed almost winced.

"We're not even dating."

"Ed, the only one in denial about the fact you're dating is you," said Al and Angel in unison, both with open amusement.

Angel snapped her fingers.

"That reminds me. Dobby!"

Dobby appeared with a pop.

"Yes?"

"Can you bring Mystic here? I can't see him taking the fact I left him at the school very well," said Angel.

"At once, Miss Angel!" said Dobby. Fortunately Mystic knew Dobby already, because he dropped off food whenever she couldn't safely bring it with her.

"Who or what is Mystic?" asked Sirius.

"My guard dog. Specifically the dog I took in and have been keeping in the Forbidden Forest. What better way to keep people from intruding in my room if I don't want them there?" said Angel. Seeing the half-feral dog, Sirius could believe her.

"Well, since I know Molly will take over the place the first chance she gets, you better pick a room and make sure to ward it before she tries to make you share with Ron."

Angel thought that one through, before an idea struck her.

"Hey Ed, do you know what a bunk bed is?" she asked with a grin.

It took them all of five seconds to merge the two beds one on top of the other, and to create a makeshift staircase. Dobby brought their things from the school, while they cleaned off the third bed.

Angel would get the third bed, which was separated from the bunk bed by a privacy charm that effectively split the room into two when it was up.

No way in hell was Angel sharing a room with Ron, no matter what his mother or Dumbledore said about the matter.

* * *

Ed had, in the span of a single day, made some serious changes in Grimmauld place. Though it wasn't anywhere near as extreme as what Angel did the second she found out that the place was practically caked in filth, and was only barely inhabitable.

It happened like this...

"What in the name of all things logical and scientific is that racket?!" yelled Ed over the shrieking.

Angel stabbed her finger in the direction of the portrait, which was making an unholy racket.

Ed stomped up to the irate woman of a rather unpleasant woman, and then did something that shocked her into silence.

He started yelling right back, using the most descriptive words he could come up with. His retorts were so shocking and sometimes horrifying that the twins were openly taking notes.

Edward and Alphonse spent a lot of time around bars, and most men generally didn't bother to censor their words when they found out Ed was a State Alchemist. By their reasoning, he was 'mature' enough to handle their language.

And Ed being Ed, he tended to catalog what he heard for later use. Mustang would be beyond shocked if he knew how many dirty songs Ed knew, and could repeat verbatim. Songs that would make even a seasoned soldier like the Flame Alchemist blush.

Ed unleashed a full frontal assault on the late Walburga Black, shocking her with his crude language long enough for Sirius to shut her curtain.

"Who the hell was that?" asked Angel, while Ed got his breath back.

"My dear old mum," said Sirius with no little bit of snark, though it was clear his respect for Ed had only gone up.

"And you haven't taken down that portrait...why?" asked Angel, raising an eyebrow.

"Permanent sticking charm," explained Sirius.

"Is it just on the portrait, or on the wall?"

"I honestly have no idea."

Ed and Angel shared a look, as it was clear what her idea was.

Destroy the wall, destroy the portrait.

* * *

Molly disliked Ed from the start. It wasn't just that he was dating 'Harry', or because the fact that he shared a room with his brother and his 'boyfriend'. No, it had everything to do with the fact that Ed's natural disposition to oppose authority figures came into play almost immediately after she tried to boss the Elric brother's around like she did the other children under eighteen. The fact he could curse at an adult level was only icing on the cake.

To be honest, her overbearing nature was no where near as terrifying as their teacher Izumi Curtis, or even Riza Hawkeye when she was being overprotective. Hell, she didn't even _compare_ to Major Armstrong!

So yes, there was no love lost between the older Elric and Molly Weasley.

Angel, upon seeing the state of Grimmauld place, twitched. She had OCD, and she knew it, but never before had the urge to clean hit her so hard or so strongly. And contrary to Mrs. Weasley's definition of the word clean, she wouldn't settle for 'barely inhabitable' with dust all over the furniture. Oh no, she had a higher standard.

So she sent Dobby to get some muggle funding, slipped out of the house late at night, and came back armed to the teeth with an untold number of muggle cleaning instruments.

She started small. The rooms that people rarely went into or only went in for a small amount of time were hit first. Things like the bathroom, the library or the drawing room where the cabinet holding some Dark artifacts.

The next night, she hit the kitchens. It took Molly _hours_ to notice something was off about them.

She hit the bedrooms last, and avoided Ron's room.

"Is it just me, or did Kreacher finally start to warm up to us?" asked Fred.

"How so?" asked Ginny.

"Our room was clean, and you know mum hasn't done that for years since we first started messing around with prank potions," said Fred.

Ed snorted, having overheard the comment. By that time he had already had a run in with the cantankerous house elf. Not even Alphonse liked him much.

"What's so funny?" asked George.

"It wasn't a house elf," he stated.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"So who cleaned the house?" asked Remus. He had noticed he wasn't sneezing nearly as much as he had that summer. Someone or something had to have done a number on the dust mites, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out who. Molly would have made her children do it, if only to keep them out of trouble.

"Seriously? You've spent how many years and never noticed?" said Ed to himself, almost in disbelief they didn't realize the obvious. Then again, these were people who never realized that Angel was really a girl...the lack of Adam's Apple should have made it blatantly obvious.

"Well? Who cleaned the house if not Kreacher?" asked Fred.

"And why should I explain it to you if you didn't notice the obvious?"

Honestly, noticing someone had an ingrained OCD was something that was pretty hard to hide. And Angel absolutely had it, if the way she automatically was able to catalog where books went at a glance was any indication. Considering the amount of dirt in this house, she must have a pretty severe case of it.

Alphonse snickered in agreement, brushing Blue with a special brush Angel had so thoughtfully gotten him. The cat absolutely loved the grooming, and was purring rather loudly in his lap.

"Well do any of you have a clue as to where a large section of the wall has gone?" asked Sirius.

"We took a sledgehammer to the damn thing and took your mother out with it," said Ed immediately.

Angel had thoughtfully silenced the area, and they spent a good two hours destroying the wall...and then using some quick alchemy to keep it from collapsing part of the ceiling.

Angel had to give credit...she hadn't known it was a load-bearing wall until after she noticed the second floor creaking ominously. Either the late Mrs. Black had known that the beam was holding up the second floor and placed her portrait there, or she had gotten lucky. Either way, they had to act pretty quick to avoid waking everyone up after destroying it. And the first thing Angel had done after they almost took out part of the second floor? Clean up the wood and what was left of the portrait.

Sirius looked at Ed with awe.

"You are my new favorite blond," he said with starry eyes.

"And to think, he finds decking a Malfoy something to do during his free time," drawled Angel with a smirk.

Malfoy had learned to avoid his fellow blond, and to never, ever call him out on his height. To his credit, he was learning faster than Ron was.

Ron still got a black eye once a week.


	12. Chapter 12

"Explain again why you want me to... what did you call it again? Abdicate?" said Sirius.

"Because you've been whipped pretty thoroughly and refuse to stand up to Mrs. Weasley, and I am sick and tired of hearing her bark orders around her like she owns the place. And if I hear one more veiled barb or 'subtle' hint about the possibility of dating Ginny instead, I'll scream or let Mystic bite someone. She knows she can boss you around, but she forgets this isn't _her_ house," stated Angel flatly.

"Yeah, but what the hell does abdicate mean?"

"To renounce. For example if the Queen were to give up her throne, people would say she 'abdicated' in favor of the next in line," clarified Angel.

"Oh. Why the hell didn't you just say so?"

"Because I prefer to use all the words in the English language, not just the simple ones," said Angel, rolling her eyes.

"And you want me to hand over the title as head of the Black family...to shut Molly up?"

"Mostly so I can tell her where to shove her high and mighty attitude without getting yelled for it, but also so Draco never has a chance to get his hands on it."

"...Hang on while I write out a letter to the goblins and sign it with a blood quill and the Black family seal. Consider this part of your Christmas present though."

"You still owe me twelve years worth of them," she reminded him flatly. The Firebolt had counted for most of the birthdays he missed. Sirius snorted. Besides, it would so be worth the look on Narcissa's face when she found out.

By the time Christmas rolled around (Arthur had been tentatively cleared by St. Mungo's, and Bill couldn't stop thanking Angel for telling the medi-witch to check on him, since his mother refused to thank her) Angel was officially the new Head of the Black family.

It was mostly a formality that required the goblins to acknowledge Sirius had surrendered the title in favor of his heir. She even had the official letter from the Ministry and everything!

Angel barely held in the urge to cackle evilly. It was about time someone told that woman to shut up!

* * *

Angel had a special treat for the inhabitants of Grimmauld Place. To celebrate Arthur being released from the hospital, she was setting up the projector and her laptop and they were having a muggle movie night. She knew Mr. Weasley would probably _love_ it, as would his kids. Besides, she would be able to mock Sirius, Remus _and_ give Ed his addiction to _Doctor Who_. She planned to play the episode with Mr. Weasley's double first, the one titled _"Dinosaurs on a Spaceship"_.

"So what is this then?" said Mr. Weasley cheerfully, if a bit weak as he was brought into the living room that Angel had cleaned out. She planned to deal with the cabinet later tonight.

"Muggle movie night. Consider this my Christmas present to you for getting out of St. Mungo's."

Arthur Weasley perked up.

"And to make this a proper movie night, we need popcorn~!" said Angel cheerfully. Dobby took that as a sign to bring in the large bowls filled with popcorn.

Once everyone was situated, and Angel had the screen up, she took out the DVD.

"For the first of our feature presentations... I present a British series. One Ed is _intimately_ familiar with. We're going to watch the only one of the episodes, before we move on to the other movies."

Ed perked up.

" _Doctor Who_?" he said. Angel nodded. He grinned. "Which episode?"

" _Dinosaurs on a Spaceship._ "

"That was a good one!"

About five minutes in, the Weasley children were gaping, particularly the twins.

"No way..." said Fred.

"Is that..."

Angel helpfully paused the show for a moment. There on the screen was Rory's father...who was practically Mr. Weasley's double.

"Just wait until I show _Dragonheart_ or _Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves!"_ said Angel.

Everyone stared between Mr. Weasley and his double. Angel finally restarted the movie. Needless to say Mr. Weasley enjoyed it quite a bit more knowing his face was now famous. And he could emphasize with the character quite a bit.

With that shock, Angel proceeded to play _Dragonheart_. Sirius couldn't help but rib Remus, because his double (and that had caught him off guard) played the arrogant and spoiled king who had been given half a dragon's heart.

It only went downhill from there. From Sirius having to live with his double being a Russian bad guy, to seeing Snape as both a depressed robot and a rather horrifying Sheriff of Nottingham (which was honestly the most frightening movie in their minds), the Weasleys had a rather...interesting...movie night.

Needless to say, Mr. Weasley was beyond thrilled when Angel gave him two laptops. One to experiment with, the other to watch movies on. Plus the projector so everyone could enjoy all the movies she was giving him and the twins.

* * *

"Oh...my..." said Ed, before he fell over laughing hysterically. Al wasn't much better, because he was giggling openly.

What had them in stitches you ask?

Angel introduced them to the one thing people would search and share more than online porn.

Cat videos. Specifically the one where a small gray and white cat almost perfectly emulated a Weeping Angel and a ninja. It stalked it's owner right up to the point it was right in the front of the camera, before running off. Naturally the Whovian in Ed found it rather amusing, while Al gushed over how cute the cat was. And this was before she introduced them to the infamous "Dusty the Klepto Kitty". Or the ever popular _Grumpy Cat_.

Needless to say both brothers spent the next three hours looking up random and often very popular cat videos. Al more than Ed.

Angel couldn't help her snickering.

"Should I be worried about you suddenly becoming an amateur movie maker with Blue?" asked Angel.

"Maybe..." admitted Al, because some of the videos he kept finding were hilarious, and Blue did some weird things on catnip.

Then Angel's expression changed.

"I know that look. What are you plotting now?"

"You know how loopy McGonagall gets on catnip?" she said, and evil expression on her face.

"You aren't seriously suggesting..." said Ed, though his expression said loads.

"It's not like she would know what the internet is, let alone how to use Youtube," said Angel. Now...how to go about tricking her into getting anywhere near the stuff?

* * *

Ed was reading one of the many, many obscure books in the Black Library (Sirius had said they were welcome to it, provided they at least run any 'spells' they were planning to try out by him first) when he found an odd reference.

"Nickolas Flamel? Who in blazes is Nickolas Flamel?"

Angel, who had been reading nearby, suddenly snorted.

"It's ironic you don't already know WHO he is considering you wear his crest on your coat. He's considered _the_ Alchemist on both sides, and it's rumored Hohenheim of Light was his apprentice long enough to uncover the secrets of the Philosopher's Stone. Which, in 1776, became called the 'Sorcerer's Stone' because it was rumored that one of the Flamel children used a copy of it to amplify his magical power. It was never proven though, but the rumor stuck, which lead to another long century of idiots trying to create their own and become as powerful as Merlin, as the son was reported to be while using it."

Seeing him staring at her, Angel shrugged.

History became more interesting when she realized that outside potions it was the only 'logical' part of magic. No one in Hogwarts studied history. It was considered naptime because the professor made it so damn boring to learn. It was about the only thing she could read without Hermione jumping down her throat about homework or asking questions.

Naturally she looked up Flamel after first year.

Ed, however, stiffened.

"Did you say _Hohenheim_ of Light?" he repeated.

"Yes?"

"Hohenheim was my dad's name."

Angel winced.

"Tell you what. There's a locket in that cabinet in the living room that won't open. Think we could use alchemy to fix it, since magic doesn't seem to work?" said Angel, hoping to distract her boyfriend.

Ed had finally figured out the obvious thanks in part to a prank the twins had played at her request.

Enchanted mistletoe where the only way to get unstuck was for the two stuck under it to kiss. At least he wasn't vehemently denying they were dating anymore.

Ed jumped at the distraction.

The two made their way downstairs to where the living room was, and she handed him the locket. She hadn't even let go of the chain when the thing suddenly reacted to Ed.

Within the span it took to breath, they were taken from the living room of Grimmauld place...to the Gates of Truth.

 _ **Took you long enough to find one. Throw the item into the Gate and your debt is paid in full.**_

 _Wait...this is a soul piece?!_ Angel said incredulous. No wonder it gave her such a bad vibe.

Ed unceremoniously threw the locket into the Gate. A few seconds later, it was spat back out...only when Angel tested it, it opened easily.

At least they didn't have to hunt down those stupid soul pieces to save Al.

* * *

Angel watched a clip on her favorite site, and after she got over snickering, she had an evil idea. Ron was still an ass, but this was too damn funny to pass up. So when they went back to Hogwarts, she put her plan into action.

She dressed Mystic up as a spider, waited for everyone to sit down and eat...then told Mystic to steal off Ron's plate.

The screams the mock spider elicited from the idiot were glorious. He actually thought it was an Acromantula come to eat all his food, and then him!

Seeing the not-so-Gryffindor idiot running from what was clearly a German Shepherd mix in a very convincing spider costume, most of the school just laughed their asses off, particularly the Slytherins.

Finally Angel let out a sharp whistle and the 'spider' broke off from chasing the red-haired moron around the hall and came to sit neatly at her feet.

"Good boy Mystic. Good boy."

She made sure to give him his treat, and he laid down without much prompting.

Seeing the shocked forms of the teachers coming, she promptly dug out a scroll.

"Mr. Potter..." started Dumbledore, before he read the scroll Angel helpfully unfurled.

"It's signed and sealed by McGonagall, and Mystic is perfectly house trained. So long as no one is stupid enough to try and take his food from him, or antagonize him to the point he'll bite, he's perfectly harmless."

Well...that and she trained him not to chase McGonagall around the castle. With her approval, Mystic was free to stay in the Gryffindor dorms and the castle.

As far as Dumbledore knew, the dog was a present from Sirius.

"So where'd you get the idea to dress your dog like a spider?" asked Fred, still snickering.

"Youtube."

"Oh yeah, I've seen that video! Hilarious! Hey, have you seen that ninja cat?" asked Dean.

"Absolutely! I cracked up seeing that cat act like a weeping angel!" said Ed, grinning.

"What about the one where the dog is playing piano while howling like mad?"

"Hilarious," said Angel. Then she grinned. "Hey, who wants to see a movie night? I finally got my new laptop to work off a solar charger, so it won't act up as much with the magic in the air."

"Sweet. So what movie are we watching first?"

"How about _Sweeney Todd_?" asked Angel, knowing this would probably traumatize the hell out of the others.

"Isn't that a horror musical?" said Dean.

"The one with the guy who played Captain Sparrow in _Pirates of the Caribbean_ , yeah. Have you seen it?"

Angel had gotten it because it had Alan Rickman and Johnny Depp in it. She had almost been traumatized...then realized it was an excellent way to scar the pure bloods who had never seen a movie before.

"Yeah. Isn't this going to scar the pure bloods though?"

"I know. Isn't it going to be great?" said Angel evilly. Dean snickered, because it was liable to give the pure bloods nightmares. Especially the Slytherins!

"This is going to be fun!" said Dean just as evilly.

"Wait till they see the part with the Bellatrix look alike!"

"Bellatrix?" said Neville.

"Relax, her character gets burned alive," said Angel, remembering what they found out about the Lestrange trio. That seemed to make Neville happier.

Even more so when he saw Mystic practically shred a rough doll that looked like Bellatrix Lestrange.


	13. Chapter 13

If it was traumatizing for the students, it was completely worth the expression on Snape's face when he saw the judge.

Even Dumbledore looked like he was trying hard not to laugh at the baffled and annoyed look on Snape's face. To be fair, none of them had expected 'Harry' to kick off a Hogwarts movie night with a horrific musical that featured a singing Snape and Bellatrix Lestrange.

Or, and this was what had Sirius and Remus ready to tear the movie a new one, at least until the character was killed off...a singing Pettigrew.

Though it was a good thing Angel restricted the movie for everyone fourth year and above, with a much less graphic movie for them to watch...though still just as weird. _Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves._

Angel was still snickering at the look on the twin's face watching a singing Snape and Bellatrix, though Neville seemed happy when he watched the ending where she got pushed into an open oven and burned alive.

Much to the amusement of Angel, shortly after introducing her 'new' dog Mystic, the hound found himself being the center of attention. Angel did, however, tell the younger students that they were allowed to bring more than the standard pets, but they had to get along with the others and they had to get permission from their head of house first.

As it was, it wasn't uncommon for Mystic to be spoiled rotten by all the dog lovers in the house, even if he only listened to Angel.

* * *

There was a strange creature in the Gryffindor dorm. It had golden blond hair, golden eyes, and was walking around like a zombie. This creature would crash into things (and people), but miraculously was able to navigate down the stairs without falling over the guard rails.

Angel took one look at the thing, and dissolved into helpless laughter along with Alphonse.

Ed when his caffeine intake dropped off after an all-nighter was hilarious. But nowhere near as funny as when he was on a major sugar rush.

"Uhhh..."

Angel was still laughing. Fortunately the twins handed the creature a large mug of coffee.

Ed downed it in one go, with Angel having enough sense to jokingly chant "Chug, chug, chug, chug..."

A minute later the creature disappeared and Ed came back to life.

"Never again. Remind me next time to have coffee delivered."

"Why didn't you just call Dobby?" asked Angel, regaining her breath.

"Do you really think I was coherent enough to think that far ahead?" deadpanned Ed. Angel dissolved into more laughter at her boyfriend's expense.

"And I'm more likely to have you wander around half-awake until you nearly fall off the stairs," said Angel unashamed.

Angel got ready to lead most of the fifth years to the library for a few hours...since there wasn't much point in listening to Binns drone and they could put extra effort into reading books that would help them pass their exams. However she wasn't looking forward to tonight.

* * *

The Toad had finally managed to find an infraction for which she could throw Angel into detention. Surprisingly, self-study wasn't against the rules. So long as the final exam or major exam was passed, you could study in the library for as long as you wanted. The restriction was you had to pass your test, and you could only be in one of three places or you had to go back to class.

The library, a private room meant for study groups, or your common room.

Shockingly, the Slytherins and the Gryffindors were able to maintain a common truce in the library. So long as they kept the groups separate until it was time to go to another class, the status quot was maintained. There were a few attempts to mingle, mainly the dividing "line" in the library where a few brave lions and snakes were within eyesight and hearing of each other. Ed, Angel and Neville usually sat there, as well as the neutrals. With every passing day, that 'line' got a little bit shorter.

Angel had the feeling it would be gone by next month. So long as they didn't start slinging spells, the tension between the two houses might have a chance of going away.

She tolerated small sniping, but there were a set of ground rules for it.

No major insults about family or personal information, no spells were to be cast unless it was on your own paper to clean up ink or something similar, and no starting fights just because you were in different houses.

Rules that were extremely easy to follow and had no loopholes. Rules so simple that even the Slytherins couldn't find fault in them, since the only requirement was to be civil or at the very least, keep the insults to a low burn.

What had Angel done that the Toad found so 'heinous' that it warranted a detention?

She dared to date a boy, apparently. There were no official _rules_ against it, but nothing McGonagall did helped. And there was no way Angel was asking Dumbledore to overrule the Toad.

It wasn't like the hag would torture students just because they were dating the same gender as themselves, right?

Angel stumbled into the common room, where Ed and the other lions were waiting.

She looked _pissed_.

"Well?"

"Blood quills! That foul, loathsome bitch used _blood quills_ and made me write lines for two hours!" fumed Angel.

"So what did you do?"

"Stole the one she gave me of course," said Angel, as if talking to an idiot. Stupid Toad didn't even realize she had mumbled an incantation for a simple illusion over a plain quill and swapped it out.

"Evidence?" said Neville.

"Hardly. No one in the school likes the Toad except for the idiots and people who actually _believe_ that moron of a Minister. So if she were to go 'missing', none of us would try and track her down. Or better yet, she could get bitten by a werewolf."

Too bad the only werewolf she knew was Remus, who wouldn't dare bite the bitch. Fortunately Angel had another way to get rid of the Toad. She hadn't spent _all_ that time in the library reading DADA books.

She had scoured the older sections and found more interesting ones that she borrowed and read when she had nightmares... something Ed was quick to copy since he also had them and there were some memories you just knew you'd never be able to sleep through once you were hit with them.

Memories like the night he lost his arm, or when he found Nina and Alexander's combined body blasted onto a wall by Scar.

He didn't hate the red-eyed man for what he did to Nina and Alexander. He had shown them more mercy than the Military would have, and they had been fully prepared to stuff the human-dog chimera in a lab for the rest of it's unnatural life. Ed would like to think Colonel Mustang would have ordered it be put down, but he wasn't nearly high up enough to make a decision like that. Especially with the Iron Fist alchemist in town.

At least Scar put the chimera down fast and humanely.

"So what are you going to do with a class-five restricted item?" asked Seamus.

"Same thing anyone would do with it. Sell it on eBay. Preferably to emos, goths or masochists."

"What's a masochist?" asked Neville.

Angel turned an incredulous eye towards him.

"You're fifteen and you don't know what the term masochist is? Please for the love of science tell me you at _least_ know what yaoi means!"

"What's yaoi?"

Angel promptly grabbed a pillow and screamed in frustration. Then she went up to the dorm, grabbed a few of her hentai books and told Neville to read.

About halfway through the first chapter his face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You can borrow it. Anyway a masochist is someone who gets off on pain."

Angel was amused to note Neville did borrow the book...and hooked a sock on the door later the next day. It was an unspoken truth that when you saw a sock or tie on the door not to enter until it was removed. It was all very discreet.

And the irony was that Angel slept in there, and made it clear to the others that if they wanted 'alone' time then they had damn well better not do it on 'his' bed or she'd have words with them. Considering "Harry" was the strongest student in the school, they generally agreed to keep it to their bunk.

And with that, Angel settled down to read Terry Pratchett. Let it never be said that she couldn't enjoy a good book, and unlike the pitiful attempts by the pure bloods to write fantasy, at least this author knew how to _spell_ and generally keep the reader's interested.

She had read one of the 'books' about the early years of Harry Potter. The bookworm in her had been appalled, and the girl in her had been more than slightly horrified that they absolutely believed that she was in fact a 'he'. Well, after the debacle of second year she was disinclined to correct their mistake and instead took a vindictive pleasure in the fact that none of these idiots bothered to actually _look_ at her or get to know her beyond the rumors.

If they wanted to be sheep, then she'd let them be sheep provided they weren't stupid enough to believe that they had a say in her life because they thought they knew 'him'.

She'd leave Europe before she let them have any say in who she was.

Ed, to her amusement, was reading another book by the same author, only this one was about three witches who were trying to stop the old stories and had a godmother's wand that could only turn things into pumpkins _._ Ed was a distinct fan of Granny Weatherwax, and Susan Sto Helit. He liked their sensible nature.

"One of these days we're going to visit this Discworld and shake their hands for being the only people that make sense. Especially Susan," said Angel.

"Agreed. Anyone that treats kids like they have a brain in their head and doesn't dumb things down is okay in my book. Or a witch that doesn't bother with frivolity and lack of self-awareness," Ed replied. With Granny Weatherwax, she used headology and logic, rather than magic.

"I think Al is reading the one where Time has twin sons," offered Angel.

"Which one are you reading?"

"The one where they try to 'kill' the Hogfather," she replied.

And thus, they settled in to another night of reading for pleasure, than the pursuit of knowledge.

Let it never be said that Angel didn't appreciate the classics.

* * *

Angel had it with the Toad. Not only did she _dare_ go after the younger years with what was obviously a spare quill, she was doing it to anyone who wasn't pure blood and well connected. Which meant about a sixth of the school were even safe from her wrath. Most, if not all who were serious about their education, chose to go the same route as the fifth year group she had lead into the library.

However that didn't stop her from looking up old and obscure rules to drag anyone she didn't like into detention.

After seeing Luna coming out of her 'detention' silently holding back tears and her hand, Angel's patience snapped. Like a twig.

So she bribed the Slytherins to keep the teachers occupied on one end, and the twins on the other...before she had Ed act as lookout under the cloak.

The attack happened quickly. Angel had been careful to keep track of the full moon, even consulting Remus. For a woman obsessed with pure blood supremacy, nothing could be worse than being a werewolf. Especially if people KNEW you were one.

Angel wasn't nearly that cruel, but her vindictive nature made up for it. Even Daphne had been more than impressed when Angel laid out her plan, and no one liked the Toad enough to inform her it was all a very cruel, very fitting prank.

One minute the Toad was making her way to the great hall, uncaring of the moon's rise other than to spare a thought of how much she would like to wipe werewolves off the earth, the next she was hit from behind. She never saw who attacked her.

Angel used the mold of Mystic's teeth, enlarged to make it look like it had come from a werewolf and with a few minor changes to keep from implicating him, and then made it very clear she had been bitten by something with canine-like fangs. Then she went to work, casting illusion spells and a very tricky one that would create a false positive if someone cast the werewolf detection spell on her.

Remus was _very_ informative about what they used and how they determined if someone was a werewolf. And he wasn't one bit sympathetic about what Angel planned to do to Delores Umbridge, who was an ardent and extremely vocal supporter of killing his kind and treating them as little more than beasts, even while in human form.

Karma was a bitch, and Angel was an avid supporter of giving assholes their much overdue payback.

When she was done, she made it look like a werewolf had broken in, using fur provided by Remus after a gathering. Not all from the same wolf, but then again wizards _never_ looked beyond the obvious unless they had to.

The Toad had been bitten by something large, with werewolf fur, and canine-like teeth. She would give a false positive and thanks to the illusion spells she would 'transform' into a werewolf exactly thirteen times.

If she was particularly foolish, she would try to visit one of the gatherings. If she was lucky, the spell would wear off and she would never find the culprit.

Either way, she wouldn't be their problem anymore.

Her task done, they slipped out of the corridor and used a time turner to establish an alibi. The 'attack' on Umbridge couldn't be linked to them, and she had been able to get a time turner by blackmailing Fudge with the threat of her bringing charges against him for 'slandering the name of an Ancient and Noble house', which was still _legal_ considering the pure bloods needed a way to restore honor without messy duels.

Angel was heir to the Black and Potter families. And despite being a half blood, she still qualified.

* * *

"That was a plan worthy of Slytherin himself," said Daphne in approval, as they watched the Toad being 'escorted' out by the Aurors and a few hit wizards.

Angel's eyes glinted.

"Ironic, considering I'm technically the 'heir of Slytherin', yet happen to be in Gryffindor.

"I thought you cleared that up?" said Tracey, Daphne's best friend.

"Right of Conquest. Tom Riddle _was_ the heir of Slytherin, but according to the goblins the title changed over after the third time I kicked his ass. Superior bloodline and all that rot," SNEERED Angel. This wasn't a standard sneer, not, this one had some of the higher levels of a Snape-level sneer to it. Daphne nodded in appreciation, before that caught up to her.

Then she gave Angel a calculating look.

"What's your stand on the sides currently available?"

"Riddle is insane and should be disposed of for the mad dog he is. He kills off anyone that disagrees or wishes to stay out of his little tantrums. And Dumbledore is better off as a researcher than a general. His pacifist views and belief that everyone should be granted a second chance even if they don't want it is only going to get his allies killed in the long run. With people like Malfoy you should always aim to take them down hard, so that they know where they stand on the magical food chain. They only respect those that show them their place, and letting them get the upper hand is only going to make things worse," said Angel immediately.

Daphne nodded in agreement.

"A pity you weren't born a girl. Then we'd have someone to talk to," said Daphne.

Angel looked around to make sure no one was listening, and Ed was keeping the others distracted.

"Who said I was a boy in the first place? Everyone assumes, but never actually _looks_ beyond the obvious. And while I was able to tolerate Weasley, I'm glad I never got stuck with Granger as a dorm mate. She would have been harder to avoid."

Not to mention it would have opened her up to Ron's rather pathetic attempts to get into her pants. Besides, she wasn't that fond of skirts, and in a place as cold as Hogwarts pants were more sensible.

Daphne's eyes glinted, and without any warning she groped Angel's chest. If she were a boy, Angel would have slapped her without hesitation.

"I'll be buggered. Do you know what this means?"

"You mean outside the fact I'm not a lesbian, so there's no chance in hell Ginny Weasley will become the next 'Mrs. Potter'?" said Angel dryly.

"Besides that. It means we did win the betting pool! But why haven't you said anything?"

"In case you've forgotten, everyone assumed my name was Harry and if I said anything they were likely to call me 'Harriet' or something equally stupid. And after I found out how stupid the rest of the school was after second year, and realizing Riddle wasn't as dead as we believed, I decided to let them keep thinking it. Breast bands, wraps and bulky robes did the rest, since I'm a private person anyway. Not to mention the fact there are more ways to break witches than there are wizards in war," said Angel flatly.

Daphne and Tracey winced. Considering Malfoy's behavior and the ratio of wizards to witches, she had a point.

Then realization hit Daphne like a brick.

"Wait, so does that mean you've never had anyone to have girl-talk with?"

"You try having girl-talk with Lavender or Parvati. Eventually everything would go back to boys, make-up and fashion, and not about interesting spells or gossip that doesn't make you want to fall asleep. I am a Black, after all."

Daphne shared a look with Tracey.

"We might be able to fix that. If you don't mind working with the neutrals that is."

"You leave me alone and don't act like the youngest Weasley boy or Malfoy and we'll get along just fine," said Angel equally flat.


	14. Chapter 14

**Happy (belated) 18th birthday to _NinjaGirl9797_! Sorry it's a day late!**

* * *

Students walked into the Gryffindor Common room to find an unusual, if highly adorable and gush-worthy sight (in the case of the girls).

Edward Elric was sound asleep with his head in the lap of Potter, who was also snoring after a nasty day of questioning from Dumbledore about how the Toad ended up a werewolf.

Mostly because the only canine in the school was Mystic, and despite proving her dog had nothing to do with the attack (by comparing the bite marks), then they had to deal with a not-so-fun interrogation from the old coot about their whereabouts, because everyone knew that "Harry" loathed the Toad and had yet to display any of his father's pranking genes. "He" was the son, nephew, and godson of the Marauders after all.

That, coupled with the fact that it was close to the end of the year which was traditionally the WORST part of the year because of some mystery "Harry" always ended up solving, meant that they suspected he had done something spice things up.

Dumbledore mostly called Ed in so he could get to know the newest 'fly in the ointment' so to speak, because until now he hadn't been in the same room as the blond because Potter took care to keep it that way.

So three hours of subtle Legilmency directed at Ed, plus the overt questioning of "Harry", meant both were in no mood or shape to even read, much less stay awake.

Ed, having been under attack for three hours straight (and rebuffing him courtesy of the mental "Gate of Truth" in his head) had fallen asleep first, not even realizing he was currently snoring on Angel's lap. Angel fell asleep soon after once she got comfortable.

Which lead to this scene.

Ed, half falling off the couch snoring while his head was in Angel's lap, Angel propping her head up with her hand and snoozing lightly, her head nodding every so often.

There was really only two things Neville could do.

One, he had Colin take plenty of blackmail photos for later. And two, he went and got a blanket and put it over Ed, since anything he did would wake "Harry" up.

Then, by common consensus (because Potter was downright scary if someone woke him up from a nap) everyone quietly got to their homework.

When Ed finally did wake up, the Gryffindors watched with open amusement as his face turned a bright cherry red from embarrassment. His hair looked like it could burst into flames.

"How long was I asleep?"

"Long enough for us to get blackmail photos. You two make such a cute couple!" gushed Lavender.

"I am not cute!" said Ed loudly, waking up Potter.

Everyone was tense, as Potter could be downright nasty when someone woke him up from a much needed nap. So imagine their shock when he merely blinked, took one look at the culprit and promptly bonked him on the head.

"Be quiet or I'll start emulating Winry and your teacher," said "Harry", yawning widely.

Ed went quiet in a hurry and even paled.

"I'll be good."

"And that's before I start asking Hawkeye for lessons," he added ominously.

"Okay, who are these people and how the hell did you get him to shut up so fast?" asked Dean, highly impressed.

"Winry is his childhood friend and personal mechanic, his 'teacher' is a woman who kicks his ass every time he does something monumentally stupid and taught him until now, and Hawkeye is the woman in charge of keeping his 'guardian' in line, despite not being married to him."

"So...basically Edward Elric is trained and whipped?" said Parvati, eyes gleaming.

"Exactly! He thinks a witch is just a lumpy wizard trying to cave his skull in!" said Angel, cackling.

"Finally, a boy who knows his place!" said Parvati, with a nodding Lavender.

"If only he weren't gay," sighed her friend.

Angel had to give Ed a light hit from her knee which was perfectly placed near his back to keep him from saying anything.

As it was, she was fine with the pictures...so long as she got a few to share with Ed's family back home.

Magic only knew Winry would get a good laugh out of it, as would Pinako-baba. And the less said about the ribbing Ed would get once Roy got a hold of it, the better. Well, either a ribbing or a pressing need to run like hell, considering Roy was overprotective of his daughter now that he had one.

Angel was sure she had seen him conspiring with Maes before they left. As long as he didn't try to trick her into drinking age-reversing potions so he could take adorable pictures, she wouldn't have to beat him to death with his own gun. And he did own one, even if he used his alchemy more than he used it.

She would smile sweetly as she used any skills Riza taught her to shoot her own father in the ass.

She was, after all, an adopted Marauder, even if her parents hadn't known it. And James had made her a legal member of the family so they couldn't do anything about it anyway.

Angel was still rather sleepy, so she debated on whether to nap here or head to the boat for some much needed sleep.

Then she remembered Dumbledore had spies everywhere, so she decided a little...misdirection...was a better idea.

"It's a bit noisy here. Think you can keep an eye on Ed and make sure he doesn't get busted by Dumbledore's lackeys while I get some extra sleep in the Chamber of Secrets?" said Angel.

Considering Harry got extra bitchy when woken up too early, and he still looked exhausted, they all nodded.

"Hey!"

Angel looked at her boyfriend.

"Do you want to join me? No doubt the lurid imaginations of bored children will come up with something rather...provocative. Especially those two, who I know for a fact are yaoi enthusiasts," she said, nodding to Parvati and Lavender.

The Indian girl in particular _leered_ at Ed, before openly looking up and down. Ed gulped.

"I think I'll go see what Al's doing," he said nervously.

"You do realize that might very well make it worse, right? There are some people out there who like the idea of two boys going at it, even if they are blood related...and considering how bad the inbreeding is here, that's more likely to be a turn ON, rather than a turn OFF," said Angel highly amused at the grossed out look on Ed's face.

"I'm doomed either way, aren't I?"

"Pretty much. But if you join me I'll introduce you to something we can prank Central with when we get back," said Angel.

"Is it funny?"

"Considering it pranked a good chunk of America in the 1930's before the war, yes. And we can have a trial run here at Hogwarts."

"Sold. Let's get out of here," said Ed.

* * *

"So what's this prank?"

"Ever heard of the _War of the Worlds_?" asked Angel grinning.

"I saw that movie you had in the DVD player," said Ed.

"Okay, so in 1938 there was this radio broadcast that sent nationwide panic in America. Keep in mind this was less than a decade before World War II. It was a Halloween prank that sparked mass panic with just the use of a clever play and radios. At the end of the broadcast it was revealed it was a giant accidental prank, but the damage had been done."

Angel grinned.

"That play was the _War of the Worlds_."

"...And since Central has no way of confirming reports... how exactly is it a giant accidental prank anyway?" said Ed, slowly grinning evilly.

"Neither does Hogwarts. Letters take DAYS to get to and from London, and longer the more distance there is. It was an accidental prank because most of the people who tuned in _missed_ the announcement it was a play," said Angel smirking. "But some of the muggleborn and half-blood Ravenclaws might recognize the broadcast, or at least the idea behind it."

"Who cares? Either way we expose them all for the unthinking sheep they are!" cackled Ed.

"And after that we can try throwing a rave down here. I imagine everyone could use a good party once the OWL's and NEWTs are over."

"We're going to need a lot of food and almost alcohol," said Ed.

Which meant lots and lots of butterbeer, which had trace amounts and was only good to get a house elf drunk...or someone with beyond low alcohol tolerance.

"You pick out the playlist, I'll score the drinks and arrange for food down here, and we'll have Al seed the invites. He's a better judge of character than we are," said Angel.

"This from the guy who used to befriend serial killers?" said Ed dubiously.

"He tricks them into leaving him alone and not trying to kill him. For a seemingly innocent kid, that's pretty damn impressive," said Angel.

Ed opened his mouth to say something, then snapped it shut. She had a point.

"So how are we going to prank the entire school and anyone listening to a Wireless?"

"We're going to switch things up. Let's think...what would automatically inspire fear from the magicals but wouldn't lead to an instant persecution for a species."

"Don't they already persecute the species anyway?" asked Ed.

"Yes, but we want to avoid spurring them into an all-out extinction of the species...or we could use one that's too valuable to kill outright and they're already paranoid of," said Angel.

"Dragons. Manticores..." started Ed.

Then it hit her.

"Graboids!"

"What the hell is a Graboid?"

"...Seriously? We've had all those movie nights and not ONCE did you notice the one called _Tremors_? Anyway it's perfect. It's a subterranean creature that stalks it's prey via sound, and you can't see it until it's too late! All we have to do is make a mock-up of it to really freak out the pure bloods!"

It was evil. It was devious. And it was a great way to mix up two infamous movies and scare the living hell out of the pure bloods who likely hadn't seen either one! It wasn't like they knew Ass Blasters couldn't drive and flew by lighting their own farts!

* * *

Lee, when he heard the plan to scare the hell out of the school (and possibly most of the Wizarding Wireless Listeners) didn't stare at them. Not he started cackling at the thought of the chaos they could create...especially since the twins weren't in on this! He could one-up them on a massive prank for once!

"So how are we going to play this out?"

" _War of the Worlds_ meets _Tremors_. Remember how the original broadcast sparked one hell of a panic with the Americans? I want you to do the same thing, only instead of 'alien invaders' you're going to be doing a 'live broadcast' about 'subterranean monsters'."

"We'll write the broadcast," said Ed.

"You'll 'announce' it with a slight alteration to the voice," said Angel grinning evilly.

"And then we'll laugh our asses off while most of the wizards panic because they have trouble distinguishing 'fact' from 'fiction'," said Ed snickering.

"Not to mention we get to boast we've one-upped the twins...after we graduate," said Angel.

"You had me at 'mass prank the twins couldn't hope to pull off'," said Lee. Mostly because they've never even HEARD of either series.

"Right, here's the plan. You know how to work broadcasting equipment right?" said Angel.

"Head of the club here," said Lee proudly.

"Ed and I will write the play. You find a way to hack into the Wireless, the range is up to you. Then we'll come up with a way to make it look like there's a Graboid...or possibly a sand worm from _Dune_."

"Yeah, but those were enormous. Better stick to Graboids," said Lee.

"Nice to know you're a fan of the classics too," grinned Angel.

"I can't wait to see the twin's faces when they realize we've played the biggest prank on everyone!" said Lee.

"I'm pretty sure that claim is currently held by your so called 'Savior'," said Ed smirking.

Angel merely folding her arms behind her...coincidentally Lee took note of something he hadn't before, since the move also pushed her bust slightly past the bulky robes.

Lee blinked, then he cautiously asked "You're a girl?"

"Yup. Have been since I was born. Not my fault people never bothered to look past the obvious."

"No way the twins top that."

"Yeah, but imagine the looks on people's faces when they realize not only am I a girl, I already have a boyfriend."

"So what are we waiting for?" said Lee grinning.

Al and Luna only had to be told what they were planning, and they were in. Luna would provide the off-the-wall comments that would drive the action, while Angel would be the female news reporter, since no one knew what her real voice sounded like.

Ed knew the most about science, so he would play the scientist with input from Angel. And Al? He got the fun of playing the military commander. He planned to imitate Colonel Mustang.


End file.
